Any time there’s some big weather event I feel like meteorologists
have their day in the spotlight.
Blizzards are the Super bowls of weather. It’s Oscar night. It’s a Red Carpet walk over
and over for Sam Champion and Bill Evans and Lee Goldberg. This is their time.
And for days now all I’ve been hearing was about how at 2
a.m. this snow was coming to NYC and the disaster was on. It’s 8:00 p.m. and there’s finally something
sticking out there. But up until now it’s
been a rainy, snowy, annoyingly windy mix of blah! I realize people are getting is crazy worse
that me (good luck peeps!) and I’m not longing for 3 feet of snow or any such
nonsense.
But so far, NYC is a lot of hype. A few more fire trucks than usual blazing
by. Less people on the street than usual
(Win! Win!). And I’m certainly getting
my money’s worth on those new winter boots dammit! Normal workday. A crazy busy one at that. By the time I got to the pizza lunch there
was no pizza. And then I got to go home
and braved “the conditions”.
So here’s the what.
The most annoying part of the trek home was that a
snowy/rainy mix makes for slippery and slushy sidewalks. Which means I can’t walk down the street at
the aggressively, obnoxiously fast pace that I’ve become accustomed to. A pace that only gets worse when Green Day is
blasting through my ears like it was on the 42nd Street part of my
trip. And taxis and buses spray slushy,
dirty mix all over the place when they drive by.
The most impressive part? Cutting through Grand Central at 5:45 on a
Friday without pushing and shoving my way through. I wish people bailed early
every cold night. Because this part of
the trip kind of rocked.
And now I’m home for the count. Waiting for to the storm to
come and looking for Five Fab things to do to survive a blizzard with the
weakest name EVER! (Who picks the names
b-t-w? A storm warning across multiple
states kind of implies this bad boy in not something to be reckoned with. But Nemo?
Really? I haven’t even seen that movie but I know it’s a cartoon
fish. What’s wrong with Zeus? Or Bernardo like in West Side Story. You didn’t
want to mess with him. Or Brutus? Et to Brute?
I mean *that* works, no?
I need to rule the world.
Until then, I need to survive the blizzard and here’s my recommendation
on how to make that happen:
#1 - Drink:
This kind of goes without saying. Drinking is always a good idea. (This makes it sound like I have a severe
problem. I don’t. I just like to have fun.
Despite a “booze bag” moniker many years ago by a girl who kind of totally hated me. Ah, frak it. I like to drink.)
I am admittedly far less wild than I was in my misspent
youth…aka my twenties. Now it’s far more
about quality than quantity. But I still like my
drinks and can still close down a bar. When I want to. But on a night like this all I wanted to do was come home and relax.
I did a drive-by of Duane Reade on the way home and
while I stood on line with my carton of milk the girl on line next to me bought
four packs of cigarettes. In another
time and place I could be that girl. But now I’m older and wiser. And I'm smart enough to already have wine and vodka at home to
sink a ship so I don’t need to head out into a blizzard to buy some.
I’m already happily into the first bottle. And good God have I needed this drink since
about 10 a.m. Monday morning. Bottoms
up! The only problem. I also kind of want to take Advil PM for amazing, uninterrupted sleep. My life is filled with these kind of Sophie's Choice moments.
#2 - Read. In bed.
In the middle of the day.
When everyone from the meteorologists to the Mayor to my
mother are telling me to stay safe and stay inside, I’m all over it. I don’t carry much guilt about being
self-indulgent. I work hard. I deserve it.
End of story. But when people also tell me to be all
One of my favorite indulgences is to get back into
comfies and back into bed in the middle of the day to read a book. And what better time to do this than when the weather outside if frightful? Midday bed reading eventually leads to a nap because I’m
human and I love to sleep and why the hell not? Isn’t that what blizzardy days
are made for? Me thinks so.
And right now I’m reading Jen Lancaster’s latest - "Here I Go Again". It’s another foray into fiction for her and askig the burning question, “Will karma catch up with that mean girl bitch from high school that
made everyone’s life hell?” Leave it to
Jen Lancaster to craft a hysterical book full of snark, endless 80s references
(like the Whitesnake song for a title) and a whole bunch of "I-can’t-believe-she-said-thats" and a whole bunch of "I-totally-relate-to-thats".
I’m only a few chapters in, but hands down recommend it to
anyone who is looking for something great to read. And for anyone who appreciates great
humor.
#3 - Hate Watch Vanderpump Rules:
I wish I could say I was strong enough to resist Bravo’s
latest and greatest in the world of reality TV. But I can’t. I am weak. Powerless to all that Andy Cohen puts in
front of me.
And if you’ve been living under a rock or just have better
things going on, then allow me to give you the premise – Lisa Vanderpump of
RHOBH fame (British, witty, snarky, wears a lot of pink, always turns a funny
phrase, says "bloody" a lot and can be delightfully filter-free) owns two bars/restaurants in Beverly Hills
and this show follows the salacious and ridiculous lives of the staff at one of them - SUR. It’s kind of like The Hills meets Real World meets anything Bravo churns out….on crack. And it’s just as addictive.
So here’s my advice…hunker down during the blizzard and
OnDemand the hell out of this show. You
might hate how much you love it. You
will for sure hate the names of the characters real life bartenders and
wait staff at SUR (Jax, Stassi, Scheana.
And then poor Laura-Leigh…the crying rebound with the Minnie Mouse
voice). There are also two brunettes that I can't tell apart. But that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things.
They all want to be actors or
singers or writers and some of them model to make money. I’m not sure what catalogues or magazines these people model for but they show some photo shoots that pain me. One guy calls himself a "mactor" - a model and actor. I mean are you fraking kidding me???? See? SOOOOO good.
The guys fight for the love attention of the uber bitch of the
group….and fighting in Vanderpump Rules involves ripping off their shirts in a Vegas parking lot in order to
throw down. There’s lying, crying, bitch
fighting, bullying, epic drinking, endless f*bombs, horrible song and dance
performances (oh...not even kidding) and so much high school nonsense that a
girl just can’t turn away!
I have to believe it’s scripted because if it’s not I feel
even worse about these people. Watching
this also makes me grateful that I’m not a 23 year old with a fake tan and
horrendously cheesy hair and make-up trying to make it in L.A.
Not that I ever would be that girl, because for one, ghost-world-white is kind of
my nature. But trust me on this
one….hate watch this while the snow is piling up outside. You won’t regret it!
#4 - Get It Together:
Pulling together my tax paperwork so I can get me some money
back. Fold my laundry that’s been in a
pile since Tuesday. Clean the
bathroom. Vacuum. Do yoga.
Empty the dishwasher. eBay those
clothes I keep talking about photographing and posting. (Sold one shirt out of three last week. Woohoo!) Relist the other two shirts.
I’ve already trimmed my bangs and done the Clarisonic/face-moisturizing
routine (which I do every night so that’s not so outrageous to do in a
blizzard). I think I’m good for the
physical activity tonight. Don’t want to
run out of things to do this weekend.
#5 – Hibernate:
Along the lines of reading in bed during the day, but far
less active. Keep the shades
closed. Doze in-and-out of sleep all
day. Catch up on the DVR. Try to find a movie on HBO or
Showtime that actually interests me. Marathon
Girls.
Shut out the outside world. Stay
in pj’s. Write. (Though now I’m getting all active.) Give in.
Let go. Eyes closed. Snooze.
And there you have it.
So when it comes to epic weather, not too much to talk about here
in NYC. This of course ensures that tomorrow will be a wall of white outside my window. But when I realized there wouldn’t
be an early exit from work due to the weather I prayed it would stay low key
until I crossed the threshold into my building.
So now, from the safety of my apartment I can go all balls to the wall -
Bring it Nemo! Show me what you’ve got!
Just please don’t take my cable. Or my
power. Because that would make for a
really crappy blizzard weekend! And that would ruin my wine buzz big time! It make me feel so fine....
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