World Ruling Resolutions

I’m not a fan of New Year’s Resolutions.  I don’t believe in flipping the page on a calendar and suddenly getting the ‘okay’ to change a whole bunch of crap about myself and my life.  I mean, can you think of anything more intimidating than a laundry list of all the things you want to do different, better, for the first time (or the last time)?  Yikes!  Talk about a pressure cooker.

I can think of no better way to set myself up to fail than to stare at a list of insurmountable things to do.  Nope.  Not for me.  I mean any day that ends in a “y” is a good enough day to effect change, right?

So if you ask me (which I know you didn’t but I’m going to tell you anyway), we should be resolving and evolving every day. It doesn’t have to all be epic stuff.  It’s whatever you want it to be.  So whether it’s to hit the gym or take out the trash.  To get up five minutes earlier or to not wait until the last minute to make the hair appointment.  To buy less.  To buy more.  Smile at strangers.  Stand up for yourself.  Be happy.  Be less snarky. 

Whatever it is, it’s your own personal stuff.  And you can start over, start new, start fresh on any day you want.  It’s up to you and it’s your personal business.  Same as mine.  Which I’ll keep to me, myself and I.

But of course with me being me I couldn’t help but fantasize about all the things I would resolve to change in the universe if in the event I, well, ruled the world.  So here goes.  If I had the almighty power, I would wave my magic wand and a whole new world would start in 2014 and look a little something like this:

• Vanderpump Rules would film year round and air year round.  The drama would never end.  I don’t think I’ve been this obsessed pleasantly surprised about a reality TV show since LC and Kristin Cavallari walked onto my TV screen.  Keep Jax and Stassi and the Toms and the angry drunk with the bad dye job coming. (I know it’s you Katie.  I just like to hate on your hair and eyebrows). 
• I find the fabulous agent who lands me the amazing book deal, which affords me the opportunity to leave this corporate world behind.
• And then I finish another book.  And enjoy my book tour.  Kicking ass and taking names.
• The word “Kardashian” and anything and everything it’s associated with would magically disappear.  No more screen time.  No more overexposure.  No more sucking up minutes on E! News.  No tabloid coverage.  No ridiculous selfies.  No famous for knowing famous people.  None of it.  They would just go back to being a family in Calabasas that none of us ever knew existed.  
• Manicures would never chip.  And they wouldn’t require any gel or acrylics to stay put.
• The only time there would be crappy weather on the weekend would be when I was looking for an excuse to hibernate, hide out and do nothing.  Those things are so much easier to rationalize when it’s crazy raining or snowing or plain old arctic outside.  Here’s looking at you Mother Nature.
• Sirens, car horns, garbage trucks and generally disruptive noise would only be allowed from 9 a.m. – 6 p.m. on days I’m at work.  Other than that I want to enjoy the quiet.  I know I live in the city, but Midtown East would be free of this crap. 
• Miley would put her clothes on.
• McConaughey and B. Cooper would keep taking theirs off.
• I’d freeze time for a bit so I could enjoy the here and now.  I’ve frittered away time and since I can’t get it back, I’d like to stop it.  (Though if I could go back a few years, knowing then what I know now, that could be cool.  But this is all about looking forward not back.  So freeze time it is.)
• Manhattan real estate would be more affordable.  And I’d get myself an upgrade.  With a much better closet.  And doors that aren’t hanging by a string.  And a washer/dryer in the apartment.
• Johnny Damon would be playing baseball again.
• Crazy people would steer clear of me.  Not the good crazy people.  Just the ones who are crazy as all get out.  The stalkers and clingers.  The single white females.  The ones with the inexplicable tempers.  The ones who never own their mistakes.  Or who fabricate situations out of thin air to try to explain why they suck.  You know who I’m talking about….the ones who put the cray-cray in crazy.  People who like to get crazy – fun nights out, laughing until it hurts, twisted and dirty senses of humor, who knock off a bottle of wine and don’t hesitate to order another – you can all happily stay.  You make my life better.  Good crazy = totally cool.  Bad crazy = don’t go away mad…just go away.
• I’d also like the compulsive liars to leave me be.
• And the toxic folks.  You can keep on walking.  In fact I might send you all to an island together.  Or maybe to Britney’s Vegas show.  For life.  You’re toxic.  I’m slipping under.
• Weekly massages at Bliss would be required.
• As would monthly trips to Paris.  And I would fall asleep as soon as I sat down on the plane and wake up just as we landed, looking and feeling amazing.  Always in first class.  Because I deserve it.
• Book deals would not be handed out to people just because they are on TV.  What could Snookie and Brandi Glanville really have to say that’s worth the money they are making?  Maybe I’m jealous (I’d magically whisk that away btw).  But seeing people like this get even richer doing my dream does make me a little crazy.
• Travelling for fun would be a rule not an exception.
• Duran Duran would reunite. With Andy Taylor this time.  And I’d have front row seats.
• Sophia Bush would be my biffle.  As in BFFL.  As in best friend for life.  Since she’s already coming back to TV in January that magic was already spun.  So BFFL it is.
• Humidity would not affect my hair.
• The treadmill under the ceiling fan would always be available.
• My singing voice wouldn’t make people cry.  In pain.  And this would be my theme song:

So tell me…what would you resolve to change if you could?

Less-than-manic this Monday!

So Monday’s are far less manic when it’s a free Monday. Which is what today is. I haven’t had MLK as a holiday in like ever.  So today feels like a free pass. Almost like I’m playing hooky but my work email isn’t pinging every five minutes so I don’t have to feel guilty about not looking at it. (Even though I brought home a pile of work to do which is taunting me from my dining room table.)

So earlier today, I was group texting with the ladies like we’re wont to do, relaying the plays for the day.  My “to do” list was quite long and according to one of my friends, rather ambitious.  And it’s not like I ever quite get it all done – ever – but I’m back to the “if I build it he will come” of things in that “if I say I’m going to do it, I’ll do it.  Eventually.  One day.  Maybe today.  Maybe not so much today, but tomorrow or next weekend.”  And I say that since most weeknights I make all sorts of deals with myself and all the things I’ll get done over the weekend or all the things I could get done during the week if I could just magically be financially independent and quit my job and suddenly have 24 hours a day that were mine MINE!!!!

But then I wake up from that fantasy and do my damndest to knock a few things off the life list.  Today wasn’t all bad – finished my book, did yoga, made some actually food for lunch that will totally have a second coming tomorrow as leftovers for lunch which means I don’t have to buy it or make something new. Win. Win.

But what I really need to do, that I’ve been half-assing for months is put some clothes back on eBay.  I’ve dipped a toe in that pool and made some decent money. But it takes time.  (Yes.  I know I technically just had three whole days.)  And it takes some commitment.  (You have to follow it at least daily in case there are questions or people actually pick the “Buy It Now” option.).  And I have to photograph my clothes and try to come up with some quippy little descriptions that will garner some attention and get people to buy my things.  Truth is, since I’m in the self-imposed spend freeze (minus those winter boots from Zappos last night, but that’s necessity because it’s winter and the lining of my boots decided to kick the bucket in January….asshole boots.  Can boots be assholes?).

Moving on….I saw a dress that I wanted.  Desperately. It was on What Not To Wear and like most anything that I want…the obsession develops…and want turn into must have.  In this case, the dress was of course sold out everywhere, because the show was taped months ago.  But then I found it….on eBay.  Now the new me…the spend-freeze me….sleeps on things. Tries not to be impulsive.  Tries to weigh the pros and cons and not have the instant gratification trigger finger.  Mind you this is much easier when I do not have a glass of wine in my hand. Or three already coursing through my veins. 

I am very proud to say I slept on this dress, so to speak, for almost a week.  And then I decided it was worth it.  Let’s hope I’m right and that it looks as good on me as I’m hoping it will. (And that it's a little longer than it appears to be on this girl.)  But that’s what led me back down this path of eBay.  Sell more. Buy more.  And of course there’s this JCrew dress circa 2010 that’s popped up….on auction.  And a JCrew collection skirt from 2008.  Same deal.  And good prices.  And like any good junkie I want them!  NOW!  I feel like this is fate…destiny…karma…every star aligned for me.  Good pricing.  My sizing.  The fashion gods are sending me a sign. 

That should be motivation enough.  But then I popped in my Netflix movie so I can drop it in the mail tomorrow.  (Anyone for Pitch Perfect?)  Nothing saps my energy like a movie…. especially when I opt to paint my toenails, which means I’m locked to the couch for fear of screwing them up. One might say I do that on purpose. One would be right.

And now it’s starting to get dark out and the reality that tomorrow exists is starting to set in. And Sunday blues come a day late.  Big sigh.  But trying to turn the ‘tude around and keep snatching great lines from tumblr and looking at them over and over until it penetrates.  Here’s hoping!

And one little gripe before I go.  So PP was entertaining for what it was.  Love to sing along.  And while I love me a “Preview” feature before a movie, I’m equally excited about the “Special Features” that come along with the DVD.  So….I have to say if they are an option…and you click on them…and get this big-ass error message that says “this DVD is for rental purposes only and buy the real DVD if you want to actually see these special features we are teasing you with”.

Damn you, Netflix. It’s like you know I’m breaking up with you at the end of the month because your DVD program doesn’t do it for me anymore.  And because I’m getting two movie channels now (Showtime for free and HBO for Girls. And $15.) and while they are mostly filled with crap I will never watch, I don’t need DVD rentals collecting dust next to my To Do list.  Just saying.

Time to get back to it.  Or maybe take a manic-free-day nap.  That sounds so much better to me…..

And if you didn't see this video coming, then you really need to go back and read this blog from the beginning...this is what I live for.

Where There's Life, There's Hope. And Hopefully Lots of Writing!

Someone in my Facebook circle posted a link to this column by Regina Brett.  It’s from a few years back, but I’m always game for some life lessons…..some perspective….and a persistent reminder that writers, write.  And not only on Wednesday’s.

From #18 and everything before and after…..hope you can find some inspiration or solace or truth or an a-ha moment!  Or maybe it'll just kill five minutes.  Either way, happy list reading!

45 Life Lessons and 5 To Grow On:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15.  Get rid of anything that isn’t useful.  Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative – dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

That's life for you.  And of course, that means there's a song.

"It's funny how I find myself in love with you....it's my life!"

New Beginnings on Lazy Saturdays....

Once again one of my fabulous friends have come through with an email that puts it all in perspective, just in time for the New Year.

It's about letting go.  Taking control.  Moving beyond what's not working.  Accepting that it's not working and it may never work. It's facing facts, however hard that may be.  The good old reality check.  And being who you're supposed to be...who you want to be.  Whoever that hell that is.  

It's never easy to let go (at least it's never easy for me).  But I'm working on shaking off the crap that's holding me down....the mental and the physical...and everything in between.  Working on pushing through what's holding me back (which is usually my own head saying I "can't" or "shouldn't" or "it's just that the time isn't right").  Or I'm talking myself out of something because I'm too scared to give it a go.  It's a mess in my head some days....  

Or just my own epic ability to procrastinate like no body's business (especially due to my recent OOC obsession with tumblr.  I haven't been this compulsive about anything since Tetris came into my life all those years ago.)

So here's to leaving 2012 in the past and starting the way to a great new beginning:

"One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.  Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.  But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.

Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.  Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. 

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.

Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.” 

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.

Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.  This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.  Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are."

(And this has nothing to do with anything, other than it's what I happen to be listening to right now.)