World Ruling Resolutions

I’m not a fan of New Year’s Resolutions.  I don’t believe in flipping the page on a calendar and suddenly getting the ‘okay’ to change a whole bunch of crap about myself and my life.  I mean, can you think of anything more intimidating than a laundry list of all the things you want to do different, better, for the first time (or the last time)?  Yikes!  Talk about a pressure cooker.

I can think of no better way to set myself up to fail than to stare at a list of insurmountable things to do.  Nope.  Not for me.  I mean any day that ends in a “y” is a good enough day to effect change, right?

So if you ask me (which I know you didn’t but I’m going to tell you anyway), we should be resolving and evolving every day. It doesn’t have to all be epic stuff.  It’s whatever you want it to be.  So whether it’s to hit the gym or take out the trash.  To get up five minutes earlier or to not wait until the last minute to make the hair appointment.  To buy less.  To buy more.  Smile at strangers.  Stand up for yourself.  Be happy.  Be less snarky. 

Whatever it is, it’s your own personal stuff.  And you can start over, start new, start fresh on any day you want.  It’s up to you and it’s your personal business.  Same as mine.  Which I’ll keep to me, myself and I.

But of course with me being me I couldn’t help but fantasize about all the things I would resolve to change in the universe if in the event I, well, ruled the world.  So here goes.  If I had the almighty power, I would wave my magic wand and a whole new world would start in 2014 and look a little something like this:

• Vanderpump Rules would film year round and air year round.  The drama would never end.  I don’t think I’ve been this obsessed pleasantly surprised about a reality TV show since LC and Kristin Cavallari walked onto my TV screen.  Keep Jax and Stassi and the Toms and the angry drunk with the bad dye job coming. (I know it’s you Katie.  I just like to hate on your hair and eyebrows). 
• I find the fabulous agent who lands me the amazing book deal, which affords me the opportunity to leave this corporate world behind.
• And then I finish another book.  And enjoy my book tour.  Kicking ass and taking names.
• The word “Kardashian” and anything and everything it’s associated with would magically disappear.  No more screen time.  No more overexposure.  No more sucking up minutes on E! News.  No tabloid coverage.  No ridiculous selfies.  No famous for knowing famous people.  None of it.  They would just go back to being a family in Calabasas that none of us ever knew existed.  
• Manicures would never chip.  And they wouldn’t require any gel or acrylics to stay put.
• The only time there would be crappy weather on the weekend would be when I was looking for an excuse to hibernate, hide out and do nothing.  Those things are so much easier to rationalize when it’s crazy raining or snowing or plain old arctic outside.  Here’s looking at you Mother Nature.
• Sirens, car horns, garbage trucks and generally disruptive noise would only be allowed from 9 a.m. – 6 p.m. on days I’m at work.  Other than that I want to enjoy the quiet.  I know I live in the city, but Midtown East would be free of this crap. 
• Miley would put her clothes on.
• McConaughey and B. Cooper would keep taking theirs off.
• I’d freeze time for a bit so I could enjoy the here and now.  I’ve frittered away time and since I can’t get it back, I’d like to stop it.  (Though if I could go back a few years, knowing then what I know now, that could be cool.  But this is all about looking forward not back.  So freeze time it is.)
• Manhattan real estate would be more affordable.  And I’d get myself an upgrade.  With a much better closet.  And doors that aren’t hanging by a string.  And a washer/dryer in the apartment.
• Johnny Damon would be playing baseball again.
• Crazy people would steer clear of me.  Not the good crazy people.  Just the ones who are crazy as all get out.  The stalkers and clingers.  The single white females.  The ones with the inexplicable tempers.  The ones who never own their mistakes.  Or who fabricate situations out of thin air to try to explain why they suck.  You know who I’m talking about….the ones who put the cray-cray in crazy.  People who like to get crazy – fun nights out, laughing until it hurts, twisted and dirty senses of humor, who knock off a bottle of wine and don’t hesitate to order another – you can all happily stay.  You make my life better.  Good crazy = totally cool.  Bad crazy = don’t go away mad…just go away.
• I’d also like the compulsive liars to leave me be.
• And the toxic folks.  You can keep on walking.  In fact I might send you all to an island together.  Or maybe to Britney’s Vegas show.  For life.  You’re toxic.  I’m slipping under.
• Weekly massages at Bliss would be required.
• As would monthly trips to Paris.  And I would fall asleep as soon as I sat down on the plane and wake up just as we landed, looking and feeling amazing.  Always in first class.  Because I deserve it.
• Book deals would not be handed out to people just because they are on TV.  What could Snookie and Brandi Glanville really have to say that’s worth the money they are making?  Maybe I’m jealous (I’d magically whisk that away btw).  But seeing people like this get even richer doing my dream does make me a little crazy.
• Travelling for fun would be a rule not an exception.
• Duran Duran would reunite. With Andy Taylor this time.  And I’d have front row seats.
• Sophia Bush would be my biffle.  As in BFFL.  As in best friend for life.  Since she’s already coming back to TV in January that magic was already spun.  So BFFL it is.
• Humidity would not affect my hair.
• The treadmill under the ceiling fan would always be available.
• My singing voice wouldn’t make people cry.  In pain.  And this would be my theme song:

So tell me…what would you resolve to change if you could?

The NaNo Victory Dance

Are you there blog?  It's me.  Again.  Having been the most neglectful I've ever been.  It's amazing I can keep my plants alive given the total lack of attention I've paid to my personal life in the past three months.  But I've been thinking about you.  I swear.  But I know…I know….actions speak louder than words.  So here goes nothing.

I’m finally emerging from the Bermuda writing triangle.  I spent a better part of November with my ass glued to the chair and my hands on the keyboard.  And have so happily typed my way to a third straight “win” in National Novel Writing Month.  Won with 51,733 words to be exact. 

Now, to be clear, anyone who hits the 50K word goal “wins”.  And by "anyone" I mean writers of all genres of all levels from all over the world.  We're not just anyone, but what I consider a totally fabulous group.  

And also to be clear typing 50,000 words of anything isn’t an easy feat so I’m tooting my horn and tapping myself on the back and raising the roof.  And along with 309,366 other novelists I committed to getting it done and while I’m not sure how many people crossed the 50K finish line, I know I am in very, very good company.

I’m still high on finishing NaNo.  It’s been a hell of a few months but I decided I wouldn’t let myself get derailed from something I really wanted to do. And now I have the beginnings and some middle of my next project.  Woot! 

It’s my fourth year doing NaNo and I always come out the other side feeling so much more inspired and proud and better.  And it reminds me that even though I’m suffering from a hell of a lot of paralysis in the rest of my life, I put my head down and despite lots of distractions (many of which were self-inflicted….like the internet and the TV and shopping and the internet) I got it done.  Which kind of renews my faith in the fact that if I put my head and my heart into something I can get it done.

I know, very so-cheesy-it-makes-me-want-to-puke happy ending here, but what can I say?  I’m feeling blissfully hopeful about what could be instead of what is.

And that’s that for now.  I’m taking the night off to buy myself a victory present (hello, Barnes & Noble) and am going to indulge in some TV.  Then it’s back at The Legacy final rewrites.  Like the saying goes, writers write.  And that’s just what I’m going to do.  Tomorrow.

Housewives and Dreams (did you get that Cocktail reference???)

So I’ve been pretty good working my way though my Book Architecture project for "The Legacy".  I'm committed to making this book better and giving it the one last shot I think it deserves and then sending it back out into the world, in a version that barely resembles the original, which I think is a very good thing.

So, if you’re writing a book or just have a random interest in how the hell to attack a revision, read on my friend.  If you have zero interest in that and are just here for some pop culture blabbering, just jump down below the pictures…you can start there! 

Okay, so here’s the short version of the Book Architecture Revision Method (so far).  Part One is "99 Scenes in the Right Order" (kind of like 99 Problems.  But not.)  

So first up, you write down all the scenes that you can, from memory.  Just a little something that clicks your memory for that scene.  And when you think you've got everything, print out the whole book out and go through page-by-page to see which scenes

were forgotten.  I actually did pretty well on this part and didn't leave too much out.  (Yeah me!  Pat on the back and a little reward.)  Add the scenes you forgot, and make sure every scene is accounted for.  

Now that the list is complete, run over them with a highlighter to decide what’s good (not perfect, but good enough for now).  What’s bad (needs work, needs to change, doesn’t quite sit right…you get the gist).  The forgotten (there’s probably a reason and that probably is a good sign that those scenes can go).  And if you’re feeling inspired, what’s missing (which you may not know now, or you might. This is the work in process part.)  I've added four scenes and actually changed one of my victims to someone else.  (And yes, if you're new to reading me, my book is a mystery so killing people is totally legit.

And when that part is done, you cut everything up.  Literally.

I oddly found this liberating and exciting. I'm a fan of taking it apart to put it back together again.  

  

So that’s where I am.  Everything is cut apart.  Now it’s time to dig even deeper into each scene.  This is also where it starts to get hard, but as the saying goes, nothing worth having comes easy.

And sometimes the mind just needs a break.  So there’s this:   

***HINT HINT HINT - If you don't give a hoot about writing START HERE***

I’m all caught up on The Real Housewives of Orange-you-Crazy, though oddly enough for some reason I have yet to chime in on it.  How have I been letting this opportunity pass me by each week??? 

Well….truth be told…I’m a smidge apathetic about this season.    It’s a bit on the odd side, feels a bit scripted (I know…how is that possible with REALITY TV??).  Allow me to revise that…it feels more scripted than usual.  And I can’t quite wrap my what-feels-sane-head around it. There’s so much going on yet it’s the same stuff over and over and I feel like it’s not all in context yet, so I’m just going to bullet what’s happened so far.  Maybe after another few eps I can really analyze the hell out of it, in an obsessive, unhealthy way.  So here we go:

• Tamra and Vicky have a wine business together.  When did that happen? And it’s called “Wine with Wives” or something like that, yet neither of them is married anymore.  (Awk-ward) But they also seem to hate each other.  And when they are setting up the office Vicky isn’t there.  And apparently she has a vodka coming out??  How does a person do that?  Can I make Audrey’s Vodka by slapping my name on some Belvedere? Color me confused. 
• Two words - Chin implant.  “It’s not about what Slade said.”  Yet so obviously the exact reason why she got it done.
• Alexis.  Will.  Never.  Learn. 
• Three words – General Hospital cameo.  (LMAO)
• And the other ladies aren’t bullies.  They were trying to be honest but you and your cubic zirconia are just too soft to see it.  (Or hear it.)
• I like Gretchen and Tamra as friends.  They totally crack me up and seem like they can get into all sorts of funny drunk trouble.  Still not liking Slade and his “buying” Gretchen a Rolls, but since we know that in the present tense they get engaged, I’m even less interested in him than I was before.  And bummed to know she won’t be dumping his Real Househusband ass.
• Brooks.  Shudder.  Ick.  Why?  Dump.  Him.  Now.
• Lydia.  I don’t know what to say about her. I found her squeaking noises and crazy eyes a bit off-putting at first.  But when she started to talk about how ridic Alexis is I kind of liked her a little more.  And the fact that she talks about what an insane pothead her mom was (is?) I kind of like her even more.
• But then I’m realizing her entire storyline may boil down to trying to get Alexis to forgive the rest of the gals and all be gal pals again and the whole, “I don’t get angry when my Mom smokes pot”.  Except she does get angry and resents her Mom for wanting to live in the land of the bunnies.  (Apparently it’s much happier there, in case you were wondering.)
• Happy to see the return of Laurie.  I always liked her.  I was hoping she would spread new Slade dirt.  No such luck.  But kind of oddly pleased that her formerly troubled kids are doing well. 
• Heather.  She had me last season.  She won me for life with “anyone who says blondes have more fun hasn’t met me yet.”  Cheers to that, my brunette sister!
• I also thoroughly enjoy Heather on her radio show and on Hot In Cleveland (or at least the part they showed on RHOOC).  “I’m gonna cut you like bad bangs, bitch.” Bravo!

But then I am also full of questions:  

• Will Tamra’s gym ever open? 
• Why do Housewives keep bring psychic-types to cleanse their house?  Tamra.  That little lady in DC who ran the modeling agency.  Taylor in BH.  Is this the new fad?  Will Tamra marry Eddie?  What happened to her flock of children?  Though happy to not have to see Ryan and his inner lip tattoo. 
• Will Gina come back on the scene and stir trouble and have another drink-toss?
• Will Alexis ever get a clue?  Will Jim ever, well, stop being Jim? 

God help me, but I can’t wait to find out!  And if you didn't get the Cocktail reference, look it up.  Horrid movie.  I watched it so many times because of my love for Elizabeth Shue.  

Fab Five Friday - Obsessions Take Over

 

And I’m back.  Always have the best of intentions, but my day job is getting in the way of my dream job and sucking all my energy away as it’s sucking away the hours of my day. But I’m making a deal with myself and not opening the work laptop this weekend. It’s going to be all about me me me!!! (Knock on wood).

So yes I’ve been off the blogosphere for a bit, but rest assured I’ve had lots I’ve wanted to say.  (Does it count if I’m writing in my head?)  There’s been some highs and lows.  A trip to Texas.  Finished reading a book.  Started another.  Cleaned my closet.  Got a great pair of shoes. And yes, clearly procrastinated with my writing for no good reason other than the fear.  But then there’s this (so true):

  

So here we go again.  And here’s what I’m obsessed with this lovely (minus the humidity) Friday:

#1 - Before Midnight:

Not enough words for how excited I am for the next installment in the Before Sunrise/Before Sunset movie series.  I fell in love with Ethan Hawke in Dead Poet’s Society.  And then seeing him in Before Sunrise was my point of no return. 

That movie made me believe in all of the romantic magic of fate and destiny and the idea that one encounter…one day….can change everything.   And then he writes the book about her in the hopes they will meet again.  And then do.  (I might be crying a bit right now.  So damn great.)

Ethan and Julie Delpy are amazing together.  I am a bit obsessed with Jesse and Celine.  And I cannot wait to see what happens next.  There is something so sexy and dreamy about spending one day just talking.  Letting all the passion build up. Having such an intense human connection. 

Hurrah to Ethan, Julie and Richard Linklater for doing it all over again.

And if you haven’t seen these movies yet, first up I have to say, FOR SHAME!!!  And then I say get you on Netflix and get on it.  You won’t regret it.

#2 - Book Architecture:

I got this book after April’s Writers Digest Conference.  It’s essentially what it sounds like.  It’s a process of dissecting your book – organizing and revising your manuscript by literally taking it apart (as in cutting up the pages with a scissors, into the individual scenes) and then putting it back together again.  Change the order.  Toss what doesn’t work.  Write what’s missing.  Rewrite what’s almost working.   Okay, so maybe that wasn’t exactly what it sounds like unless you’re a writer and fan of architecture, but either way, a few weeks after I bought the book and one round trip business trip to Dallas afforded me the time to take a deep dive into the book. 

The Legacy revision project is underway and I have my one agent lead on deck when I’m done.  I need to prioritize this baby and get it done quicker than what I thought would be a fairly easy lickety-split refi.  But four months later and I *finally* have a closing date for next week.  Ohthankgod!  Word to the wise fellow New Yorkers….don’t go co-op.  They have no respect for your time.  Just saying.

First up.  Book Architecture.  Then I can deal with home architecture.

#3 - Million Dollar Listing – New York:

As a Bravo-addict I’ve seen endless commercials for this show.  And nothing about it really appealed to me.  I worked with brokers for a decade and while I did have the good fortune to work with some really great guys, I also got to meet the smarmiest of the smarm.  Why would I want to watch this on TV?  I lived the commercial broker life.  I’ve worked with residential brokers and know a lot of them are cut from the same smarmy cloth. 

And then there was a marathon on earlier this week. 

Bravo was ramping up for the season premiere which of course requires playing all of last season’s episodes, what seems like non-stop.  (Where are my Real Housewives reruns when I need them???).  So Million Dollar Listing… 

Who am I kidding?  Totally.  Sucked.  In.    

Egotistical dudes acting like frat boys with trust funds.  Ridiculous New York real estate.  Even more ridiculous clients who bash the hell out of the most amazing $10M apartments with views of Central Park that are so ridic they kind of look fake.  Oh, and best of all?  Complete male-bitch-fight drama between these custom-suit wearing, Rolex-watch-flaunting, potty-mouthed, I-have-a-full-time-driver broker dudes. 

Need more reasons to watch?

It’s grown men throwing drinks in each other’s faces.  Jumping in the pool at the other broker’s showing just to piss him off.  (And, yes, I wrote POOL.  As in a NYC apartment.  With.  A.  Pool.)  It’s catty and ridiculous and over-the-top and preposterous and dripping with self-absorbed egotistical obnoxiousness.  Which clearly makes it ahh-may-zing.  And you get to gawk at Ryan’s bare ass in the season opener.  In case you needed a little nudity to pique your interest.

I have one word for you. 

Watch.

The Met Ball:

Monday night.  All the fashiony fashion guys and gals hit the red carpet outside the Metropolitan with the “Chaos to Couture” theme.  (bee-tee-dubs…cannot wait to see this exhibit and flash my member pass to skip the line.)  More on that later. 

For now, so much really cool fashion:

  

 

But where was Rachel Zoe? I miss her already.  Which brings me to…

#5:  The Rachel Zoe Project.  As in “the end of”….

I read online that this season was the last. And I kind of have no doubt because the season finale had “series finale” written all over it.  There were flashbacks.  Voiceover retrospectives.  And a closing shot of the cast that might as well have been Kelly and Steve and Dylan and Nat dancing the night away at David and Donna’s wedding.  (I’m pretty sure Mrs. Teasley was rocking out in the background somewhere.)

I’m so sad if RZ is really dunzo.  For one, because I just love the show.  Fashion.  Drama.  Celebs.  Hysterical catchphrases.  Great style.  Paris. New York. Milan.  LA.  Award shows.  Photo shoots.  Chanel.  Jewelry.  Over-the-top everything.  Vintage shopping. I could go on and on. 

I’m sad to see it go. Thank god I have all the old esp. from iTunes.  (Obsessed.  Party of One.)  And in the last two seasons there was Mandana who I think just might be one of the coolest cool girls out there.   What can I say?  She just rocks.  And I barely had enough time to develop a proper girl crush.  I wanted to see what other outfits she came up with.  How she continued to style her hair, which is the same general length of mine (bangs included). But hers always looks so much better.  And I want to know – does she still eat Cheetos for breakfast? (She’s my hero.)  Is her ulcer finally gone?  Is she still working until midnight on Sundays?  (Hope not!)

My dream is that we’ll meet again. Like Jesse and Celine. But hopefully it won’t take us nine years. 

Until we meet again, there’s this.  (Seriously.  Watch these movies.  Now.)