In other words.....

I am a girl who finds inspiration in the words of others:

“There is no such thing as that which is impossible.” – Katherine Bigelow

“Mistakes will be made.  Failure will occur.  You pick yourself up and carry on.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

“Life is an occasion.  Rise to it.” - not sure where I snagged this from

And in a line from a TV show:

“We make our lives out of chaos and hope and love.” – Angela, Bones

Who finds solace in a song lyric:

“Give me a long kiss goodnight and everything will be all right.” – Green Day

And a little bit of hope:

“I believe the stars keep shining all through the night. 

I believe if we just keep trying it’ll be all right. 

I believe that someday I’m gonna find my way. 

I believe in a beautiful day.” – Chris Isaak

Who smiles when I read something I totally agree with:

“You’re a human being, and life is wonderful, so eat the damn red velvet cupcake.”  - Emma Stone

Or when I read something I’ve totally wondered myself:

“How can I tell the difference between chemistry and wine?  Is there a difference?  Should I just stay drunk my whole life?” – Sarah Mlynowski, Milkrun

Who finds inspiration in a quote and a lyric:

“You cannot change the music of your soul.” – Katherine Hepburn

“Because if you never try, you’ll never know, what you’re worth.” – Coldplay

And humor in some snark and wit and great one-liners:

“God!  What is your childhood trauma?” – Cordelia to Buffy

“Did anyone think maybe Sylvia Plath wasn’t crazy, she was just cold?” – Gilmore Girls

“Holy mother bitch!” – Drew Barrymore in Going the Distance

“There are no good girls gone bad.  Only bad girls found out.” – Mae West

“…And don’t push her head down.  Girls don’t like that.”- Audrey

“Ya, think?” - Pacey

And in total honesty:

“Do not show him how crazy you are.” – Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

“Whatever.  Anyway, it made me feel like shit, so I’m having a duvet day, with my blinds down.” –Marian Keyes, Anybody Out There?

“I am buzzed and brazen.  The alcohol has dried up my hurt, leaving only resentment and anger. They are easer emotions to manage, more straightforward.” – Emily Giffen, Something Borrowed

Who can identify completely with a seemingly simple line:

“If you’ve never stared off into the distance then your life is a shame.” – Counting Crows

Who can hear the same line over and over, month after month, year after year and still feel that same jolt that I felt the first time I read it:

“I know nothing with any certainty but the sight of stars makes me dream.” – Van Gogh

“Lips fit mouth, so kiss them.”  - from a very, very old Gap TV ad

Who can be brought to tears:

“You say you don't wanna hurt me

Don't want to see my tears

So why are you still standing here

Just watching me drown…

There’s nothing you can do or say

You’re gonna break my heart anyway

So just leave the pieces when you go.” – The Wreckers

And even to my knees:

“Echos and silence, patience and grace

All of these moments I’ll never replace

Fear of my heart absence of faith

All I want is to be home.” – Foo Fighters

Who can be transported back to an amazing high:

“It turned my whole world around.  And I kind of liked it…” – Dixie Chicks

Or an amazingly, inconceivable, rock bottom-fifty feet of crap-then-me, low:

“A warning sign, you come back to haunt me

And I realize you were an island and I passed you by,

You were an island to discover.

Come back in. I’ve got to tell you what a state I’m in…

When the truth is, I miss you…

And I’m tired.

I should not have let you go…

So I crawl back into your open arms.” - Coldplay

“…I felt a deep, heavy weight move in and take its place, the deep, heavy weight that was my heart, and I thought: You asshole.  You fucking asshole. (Of course I would have taken him back in a second.)” – Laura Zigman, Animal Husbandry (game changer)

Or find the beauty or the strength in the midst of something painful:

“When you mind breaks the spirit of your soul.” – Green Day

“It won’t mean a thing in 100 years.” – Blues Traveler

“It’s times like these you learn to love again…” – Foo Fighters

“First there is the loss.  Then there is the echo.”

“Have the courage to let go. Hurt like holy hell.  And move on.” – Brothers & Sisters

Or can feel totally jealousy over the fact that I’m not the one who wrote it:

“You and me babe, how about it?” – Romeo & Juliet – said, it before and will say it again…this song is kind of everything.

“Above all, she tells herself to trust fate in a way she has never trusted before.” – Emily Giffen, Heart of the Matter

A girl who is reminded what this whole love thing is all about:

“I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in ever after.” – Laura Caldwell

“Live happily ever now.” – from a t-shirt I saw ages ago and should have bought.

“I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away.” – Before Sunrise

“I’ve longed to discover something as true as this is.” – Collins to Angel

“How do you know when you’re in love?” – Castle

“All the songs make sense.” - Beckett

And what this whole “older and wiser” thing is all about:

“I think there comes a point where you have to grow up and get over yourself, lighten up and forgive.” – Jennifer Aniston

“I understand you’re tired of settling. So don’t.” – Derek Shepard

And what this whole life thing is all about:

“Who says I can’t be free of all of the things I used to be?  Rewrite my history.” – John Mayer

“So don’t be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, because most the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most.  Maybe you’ll get everything you wish for.  Maybe you’ll get more than you ever imagined.  Who knows where life will take you.  The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination.” - One Tree Hill (a smidge of shame)

“Life is short, but it is wide.  This too shall pass.” – Ya-Ya

“And out of darkness, hope is born.” – My So Called Life

Go big or go home!

“Finding your destiny is easy…following it isn’t.” – Lisa Jewell

“Imagine settling for a life you can have because you don’t have the courage to go after the life you really want.  That’s what makes me do it – make one of those decisions – the kind that bends your future in a whole new direction.” – Jill A. Davis

And one that can instantly make me happy and want to just dance:

“Ever since this whole world began

A woman found out if she shook it

She could shake up a man

So I’m gonna shake and shimmy the best that I can today,

‘Cause you can’t stop the beat.” - Hairspray

And what this whole writing thing is all about:

“Stay still, be quiet, and listen to your heart. Then, when it speaks, get up and go where it takes you.” – Susanna Tamaro quoted in The Bestseller (which kind of changed everything.)

And why I will keep going even when I can’t imagine keeping going:

“The best advice an aspiring writer can receive is this: keep writing.  No matter how daunting, impossible, or difficult and painful it seems, keep doing it.  It’s worth it.” – Laura Zigman

“Don’t get it right.  Get it written.” – James Thurber

“It takes courage to follow your fascinations wherever they may lead.  Yet, creativity demands that you trust and stay on the path despite obstacles.  The good news is that it’s possible.” – Gail McMeekin

“Do what you love.  The rest comes.”

And why I cannot imagine not writing it all down:

“All the really exciting things in life require more courage than we currently have.  A deep breath and a leap.”- Dawson’s Creek (more shame, but some real wisdom in there sometimes.)

“I’m going to write this all down, so if I grow up twisted and tormented, the world will know why.” – Neil Simon

I’ve been writing down quotes, lyrics, movie and TV shows lines at least since junior high (or Middle School as it was more properly knows in my time, because no one thought better of the fact that the acronym P.M.S. was remotely weird for a bunch of 12 year old girls to confront every day.  Ah, Pleasantville.  You were pleasant, but missed the boat on that joke.). 

But I have literal books filled with scribbling and ramblings and while you’d think the ones from the early years might not always apply, it’s amazing how many of them actually do.  A glimpse at these alone (my own mental ramblings aside) would probably provide quite the interesting insight into me.  Note to self: burn these books when I’m old enough to let them go and know that I don’t want anyone reading them after I’m gone, but I’m still young enough to be able to light a match without people thinking I the crazy-sans-cats-lady who is trying to light her apartment on fire.  Again. 

But somewhere in the past few months, when life took that weird turn….when lots of things started to change all at once and I was nervous and excited and freaking out and anxious and scared and happy and relieved and aching and giddy and so much more…I started to look back on the things I’ve written.  At the lines I copied down, which captured where I was right there, right then.  For example, the quote in that leads off my ramblings on April 5, 2008 is:

“The secret to getting ahead, is getting started.” – Agatha Christie

Absolutely hitting the spot today.  I need to get started. Again.  And have been reading all these quotes to help jumpstart my inspiration to keep writing.  It’s been a rough ride and a struggle and more excitement, but it’s almost like I blinked and I’ve found that proverbial groove.  Work is good.  Very good.  Better than I thought work could ever be again, after the last great job so many moons ago. 

And in a strange domino effect (or maybe not so much) going out and being out and having fun is suddenly totally appealing.  I’m no longer in the spiral of work-sucks-and-all-I-want-to-do-is-go-home-and-hide.  So life is work and some travel (thank you work for making that even more possible!) and play and the writing has been shoved aside…along with keeping my apartment looking one step above embarrassing….and with my TV watching. 

I KNOW.  WHO AM I?  NOT WATCHING TV?!?!?

Sorry to say, I have little to say on the craptastic (and not-so) TV front. I finally finished The Killing (fully recommend!).  Mad Men is done (the season left me a bit ‘meh’. They’ve done better.)  PLL is tolerable.  I realize that can’t keep this whole A thing up forever, but even my suspension of disbelief is starting to get annoyed.

I did finally take the Fairly Legal plunge and have to say…LOVE….IT.  What took me so long?  Well that’s a story for another day.  Because this day is long since over.

The irony here is I though putting together a quick entry with other people’s words would be a snap, yet I spent so much time flipping through the past few+ years of my life that I’ve been at this for hours.  And honestly I could do this for days.  But I’m cutting myself off.  The next journal I open is pretty much the equivalent of ordering a fifth glass of wine.  I need to stop.  Maybe next time I can figure out how to be a little more succinct.  Though doubtful.

And for tonight’s musical stylings….a million years ago, a great friend of mine (and former roommate who was all too familiar with my music-obsession-writing-down-the-lyrics habit) sent me a song that said it all too well - Cheryl Wheeler's "Music in My Room".  Alas, even the magic of YouTube can't locate this obscurity, so instead I picked a song from the playlist I've complied while working on the The Legacy (aka, that mystery I've full on deserted but am diving back into tomorrow....more to come!)

But until then, some Alexi Murdoch: