Fifty-six thousand three hundred seventy-eight

Okay, now first things first.  I had the “new” 90210 on in the background Tuesday night while I was writing and am wondering – am I only the person who noticed that Lucinda Nicholson has suddenly been reincarnated as Liam’s modeling agent?  Named Sheila?  I mean honestly people…must you insult the die-hard fans by resurrecting old actors to play new roles?  (Straightening Lucinda's hair wasn't enough to make her a whole new person.)  Kelly coming back as Kelly – no problem.  Brenda as Brenda to direct the school play – main reason I tuned in to the show then and now.  Totally believable returns to 90210.

But if Jesse Vasquez shows up as a music producer for Dixon (a.k.a the kid with the David Silver storyline of drugs and DJ-ing) or if Noah Hunter is suddenly a college professor at CU  (where once again everyone conveniently goes to college), I just might be driven to complain to the casting agents themselves.  And if Gil Meyers comes back at all, never mind as a teacher that’s supposed to be a student favorite and also supposed to be sexy!  (Retch!) Well I’m going to LOSE MY MIND.  It’s a good thing D’Shawn Hardell has found a second career as the Mayor of Bluebell on Hart of Dixie.  Just saying….(and yeah, yeah, yeah, I know….I have no business watching this crap show of recycled story lines with an actress who graduated from DeGrassi, but you never know where inspiration might strike.)

Now that I have that out of my system…

In far more important news, NaNo is officially over and here’s how I landed:

My NaNo profile picture

Days:   30

Word:  56,378

Pages:  214

Total words written for all of NaNo: 3,073,176,540 (O!M!G!)

I honestly am so happy that I signed up for the NaNo challenge and so proud of myself for seeing it through, sticking with it and exceeding the 50K word goal.  It’s been an eternity since I’ve written so consistently, never mind on a new project that was longer than a blog post.  This is EXACTLY what I needed on all fronts.

Now, I still have great affection for my last project, another mystery novel that has circulated critique groups, a few contests and was sent to a group of agents.  But it didn't make any noise.  And I think know I got buried so deep that I couldn’t see the forest for the trees (a phrase I love and a book that’s on my re-read list).  The novel (or is it a manuscript before it gets published? I'm never sure)...anyway it honestly needs another harsh round of revisions to make it good enough to send back out.  But I hit a wall and was paralyzed to change it.  That book and I?  We needed to go on a break. 

Ross & Rachel long before they were on a break!

So to start something totally fresh during NaNo has been exciting and inspiring and addictive and just because November is done, it doesn’t mean I am.  (Insert a dramatic pause and picture me raising my fist in the air, like Jeter does after every win.)

There’s a long road ahead.  Gaps that need research. Characters that need names I truly love (and that truly suit them).  Clues that need to be planted.  Holes that need to be filled.  But overall I am excited about the story.  My characters are starting to lead me places and my mystery is taking solid shape.  I said it before and I’ll say it again – TOOT!  TOOT!  And I don’t even feel like I want to take a day off from writing.  But I officially “popped” that carton of eggnog last night to celebrate.  And it was so damn good!

Other things to celebrate:

December 1^st means all the new horoscopes are out.  Mercury is in retrograde and I’m blaming it for my latest sidelining-back injury, so I need to see what’s coming next.  And to see when Mercury is going to get the hell out of here.  Because surely things are going to swing up soon!

I couldn’t possibly be in less of a holiday spirit mood these days.  Now I’m no Scrooge, but the weather has been too warm, I’ve had zero desire to go shopping (Black Friday?  Cyber Monday?  The most I got was a paperback, some fun stuff from Bliss and some essentials from Soap.com).  But I resisted pretty much every sale, every enticing offer and didn’t make a slew of stupid purchases for clothes I don’t need.  And J.Crew continues to try to seduce my with their 25% off, but the dress I've been stalking still isn’t on sale, and I haven’t given in yet.  Shopping + willpower is not usually my thing, so am raising a glass to that too!

The Thanksgiving break did allow me one day to be a total slug and catch up my DVR that was filled to an embarrassing degree.  I knocked off two episodes of The Good Wife, one episode of Castle, and finally watched the Pretty Little Liars special from Halloween.  And bravo! to the writers of that show.  I hope they do more full-flashback episodes to bring the two stories together.  Allison is such a wonderfully, evil character that it’s fun to see her in a full ep.  And yes, I know I’m talking about a show for teens (again), but who cares?  I’m so excited for the winter premiere – January can’t come fast enough.  And maybe, just MAYBE I watch it for Sidney Andrews and Piper Halliwell and Kat Arujo from Mystic Pizza.  Confused?  You’re just going to have to tune in then.

Some things not worth celebrating? 

Limitless.  Even Bradley Cooper couldn’t save that movie.  I appreciated the token close-ups and his day-two facial scruff and the man does look delish in a suit, but even that wasn’t enough to keep me entertained for almost two hours.

Dealing with all the things I haven’t done since I’ve been too busy writing.  I have lots of housework to tackle.  Laundry.  Dry cleaning.  Pre-Cyber Monday impulse online purchases to be returned.  (My 60-day return policy is almost up!)  I did wash my windows a few weekends ago.  Woohoo!  I do love me some cleaning.  

I haven’t even picked out the photo for my holiday cards, never mind bought supplies.  This time last year, cards were in progress, gift lists were made and I’m sure it was freezing outside, which kept me inside.  I’m happy to stay in the 50-degree zone, but need to get on the other two things.  (The fact that is hasn’t snowed is kind of crippling my holiday card picture though….crap!….not that I’m complaining.)

And in the land of pop culture, Bethenney Frankel’s talk show is a no-go.  Kind of bummed, but perhaps she was getting over-exposed.  I'll wait for her to come back to Bravo.  Ringer is on it's mid-season hiatus.  Booooooooo!   

It’s time to get down to business.  December is always crazy and goes by in a flash and I definitely want to end the year on a high.  Look at me! I’ll turn all this negativity  into something to celebrate.  (Cue the cheesy montage of me doing all my chores, looking a little haggared but eventually filled with totally self gratification on a job well done.  I think I’d like this to be my montage soundtrack.)

So there you have it.  A month of totally literary abandon leaving room for little else.  But I would do it all over again.  And hoping, I can keep it up.  


Here's to the next 50,000 words!

The Token Thanksgiving Post (with NaNo, Duran Duran and some boys on the side)

Time is going by in an incredible blur.  Between my day job and NaNo it’s kind of been all work, no play.  And we all know how that adage goes.  But I’ve still had some fun.  I just got a new rug for my bathroom. (Don’t pity me that I find this fun!  I like to make my house a home, dammit!)  I’ve had some quality family time and some out and about time since the weather has been freakishly warm for November.  Words and pictures do not do Central Park justice in a perpetual fall.  But points for effort?!

I downloaded some new music because no matter what I will forever have a soft spot for Mark Hoppus and give anything he does a shot.

But I pretty much feel like I blinked (no pun intended) and I missed the month.  Time flies when you’re having fun. Or you’re busy as hell.  And this month has been a bit of both.

But finally the break is here!  And I’m like a kid when it comes to things like a long holiday weekend.  I was supposed to get out at 1 o’clock today and by 12:45 I was antsy beyond belief.  Freedom was so close I could taste it!  And then I got stuck for a bit, but when I finally got out the door I couldn’t get down the street and home fast enough.  Visions of comfy clothes and naps were in my future.  And five days of doing *almost* whatever I wanted.

For many, many years I stayed up in Boston for Thanksgiving, partially because travel was miserable (I have no patience for crowded travel and Thanksgiving weekend is by far the worst one around) and partially because I had a job that often meant I had to work the day after Thanksgiving, to oversee the holiday decorations installation. Good times! (Though not really for that second part.  Even if I could wear jeans.) 

My family came up a couple of times to do Thanksgiving in New England.  And other years I sometimes hung out with friends who stayed in town for the holiday (usually going out for too many drinks the night before).  And once we even had a proper Thanksgiving, hosted by friends of mine.  It was all very adult and mature of us.  Though we had too many drinks there too.  And on top of the proper holiday, they had a proper house with a proper washer and dryer so I actually did all my laundry on top of everything else.  Don’t judge.  A walk up brownstone with one washer and one dryer in the basement that was shared with the brownstone next door…doing laundry was an all day commitment and usually the worst thing ever!  And before you even suggest sending it out, I can think of nothing more skeevy than having a stranger touch my dirty things (never mind my unmentionables) and then touch them all over again when they were clean.  Or supposedly clean…I’ve heard too many horror stories so I operate from the school of Fox Mulder when it comes to laundry - trust no one.

But more often than not I stayed home alone and vegged out.  I absolutely loved having day where I didn’t have to be anywhere or do anything.  I would get groceries delivered on Wednesday night and enjoy a day of sleeping in, watching too much TV, eating very non-traditional Thanksgiving food (I don’t think Kraft Mac and Cheese is traditional for anyone or anything after college) and probably tossing in a nap at some point.  Some people used to be like, “oh I feel so bad for you, you’re all alone”, but I was alone by choice and not for nothing, I actually liked it.  I had a sort of Charlie Brown Thanksgiving with toast and popcorn and well, I had mint-chocolate chip ice-cream in lieu of jelly beans because as I’ve mentioned I’m obsessed with it, but it was the thought that counts.

But this year I’m doing the family thing and having a traditional Thanksgiving.  But before that I’m doing my best to catch up on my DVR and then am going to enjoy a 5-day break from the working world.  WOOHOO!!!! 

Like I said this month has passed in a blur, but happily it hasn’t been all work.  These days my story goes a little something like this:

NaNoWriMo:

It’s day #23 and I’m at 42,337 words written and 7,663 to go to hit the mark.  I’ve got a story brewing.  I’ll admit it’s a little scattered, given the whole pantser-on-a-good-day thing I’ve got going for me.  But I’ve killed the main victim and scared the shit out of my heroine (which of course after she gets over her initial scare, it will only make her work harder to sleuth out the murderer).  I just need to decide who to kill off next.  Have to confess, there’s a certain amount of pleasure in working out my angst by killing fictional people.

I’ve kind of become obsessed with writing again.  And it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way. But I’ve written something every day since NaNo started.  I’ve pushed through the crap (and I know there’s a lot of crap in there, but that’s what first drafts are for).   Fought against the block.  I’ve even skipped out on so much TV (the horror, right?!). But I’m very proud of me.  And yes, I’m tooting my own horn but isn’t self promotion part of being a writer?!  Toot!  Toot!

Ringer:

Now as I gushed in a previous post, I had high hopes for this show based on SMG alone.  As usual she doesn’t disappoint.  Now I thought this show would just be a pleasant distraction (think any Lifetime move with Tori Spelling or Tiffani-Amber Theissen), but have to say it does have some good twists and turns.  SMG does an amazing job being the bitchy-I’m-supposed-to-be-dead-Siobhan and the I’m-smart-but-have-a-conscience-and-want-a-second-chance-to-make-something-of-my-life-Bridget.

I just caught up on the last two episodes and I can officially say this show is BEYOND!  There is so much mystery built it.  So many “OMG” moments.  You’re never sure who is legit (except SMG as Bridget, though even she surprises).  And just when you think someone is dead – BAM!  Tied up in the basement.  And just when you think someone is helping – SHAZAM!  Hired by evil Siobhan.  And if this isn’t enough, Logan Echolls is now in the cast.  If you don’t know who that is, well, we have problems.  I do know his real name (Jason Dohring…or something close to that), but that’s not important.  What’s important is Logan just gave me one more reason to tune in.  (Was I the only one who cheered when he came on screen?)  And it’s just a matter of time before something happens with him and his teenage student.  And if it doesn’t the show might finally disappoint me.  Wait.  Scratch that.  Now I'm just talking crazy.

The Good Wife:

Still swooing in
Good Wife!

Swooning in Dead Poet's

Not quite caught up – still have 2 episodes to go, but the drama is getting good.  Loving Will and Alicia together.  And my fascination (obsession?) with the show is bleeding into real life and I’m going to their Times Talk in January at Arts & Leisure Weekend.  So very excited.  I’ve been to a bunch of these in year’s past and have to say I just love them.  And I’ve had the most severe crush on Josh Charles since Dead Poet’s so my inner teenager is so excited to see him live and in color.  He's pretty much the only reason I watched Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead ("Right on top of that, Rose") and Threesome.  (And the soundtrack to was amazing too!  I got it at Tower Records on Newbury based on "Dancing Barefoot" and "Make Me Smile" alone. Hadn't even seen the movie, but anything with U2 and Duran Duran couldn't be all bad!)

Okay, so I have to go off the path for a second...checked YouTube on a whim for "Make Me Smile".  My sister and I taped this concert on our Betamax and played it constantly.  Cant' believe it's on here.  

This song wasn't on any of their albums. It's showed up on an EP (from Crazy Eddie's...best record store on Central Avenue) circa Seven and the Ragged Tiger and life was complete.   I'm DYING over watching this!!!!   The outfits.  God how I loved Andy Taylor.  Guitar solo is still amazing.  Ah, memories.....

Everything Else:

Well, there isn’t much else left since last I wrote.  I did manage to read a few magazines (though can’t keep up with the December issues that just rolled in).  I’m slowly reading my book.  Verrrrrrrrrrrrrry slowly.  And don’t get me wrong. I’m really liking it, there’s just not enough hours in the day to do the things I want, but once I hit the 50K mark on NaNo, I hope I can find the balance between writing life and life life. 

I’ve also been running Season 1 of Gossip Girl in the background of my writing life (Apple TV + streaming Netflix + nostalgia for when the show was good collided), and am stealing this fabulous quip voiced over by Kristen Bell:

“As per Gossip Girl Thanksgiving tradition, I'm trading my laptop for stove-top. And for the next sixteen hours, the only thing I'm dishing is seconds. When the cat's away, the mice will play. Have fun, little rodents!"

Logan Echolls and Kristen Bell in one post.  God, I’m good!  I mean, any excuse to reference Veronica Mars….

And last but not least, the magic of the shuffle feature on iTunes gave me this last night:

Forgot how much I loved this song.  Do wish the video was a lot less bizarre, but that's REM for you.  And if you can recall the Dawson’s Creek episode that this song was featured in (and the college year episode when Jen played it while DJ-ing, in reference to the original episode) then I bow down to you!  And give thanks for not being the only person with such a weird mind, love for teen TV and unexplainable memory. 

For the record, I really wanted to find the Dashboard Confessional version from MTV2 Covers, but struck out.  Still worth clicking to listen to though.  

Happy Thanksgiving. 

(And bee-tee-dubs, I can’t do the whole “Gobble!  Gobble!” thing because that reminds me of that scene in Gigli where Jennifer Lopez embarrasses the hell out of herself.  And in a movie that it pretty much one epic embarrassment it's frighteningly easy to pick at this scene as the worst.  “Turkey time!”  Sigh!  Yes, I went there.  And if you are one of the bazillion people who has not seen that movie, give thanks for that too tomorrow.  Trust me!  If I've peaked your curiosity then by all means look it up.  Can't say for sure if you'll regret it.)  

Eleven. Eleven. Eleven.

I couldn’t resist the elevens.  I make wishes on clocks when the numbers are the same so I feel like today I just earned myself one big ass wish!  After all it is 11/11/11.  So cool.  (I’m such a nerd about these things.)

And sidebar, here's another Eleven I just can't resist.  Me likey!

But so far, it’s been a good day.  For one, I managed to get the day off.  First time since I started the new job (woohoo!).  I slept until I woke up (what a novelty!) and got to do some leisurely writing this morning on my NaNoWriMo entry.

And the official stats stand at:

Day #11

Words Written: 21,402

Words to Go: 28,598

At this rate I’ll be done by November 25^th.

I’m almost at the halfway point and I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of impressed with myself.  I’ve written at least *something* every day since the event started and there is actually some kind of a story taking shape.  You see, I’m a pantser on a regular day, so to have a story keep pouring is the reason I can keep going.  For those not in the writing world, there are two kinds of writers – the plotter and the pantser.  Now I’m an obsessive plotter (a.k.a. a planner) in so many realms of my everyday life.  I make lists and I check them twice. I cross things off my to-do.  I need details. I need advanced notice.  I make my lunch the night before.  I like to have control. 

Yet in the place where it seems like planning ahead really matters, I kind of make it up as I go along. Hence, I’m a panster.  That means I don’t outline, I don’t plot ahead, I don’t have it all figured out. I fly a bit by the seat of my pants.  Though usually I at least know who I want the killer to be before I start writing.  Or how I want the story to end.  But when I leaped into this project, well not so much.

This time I had a title and an opening line that, no joke, came to me in the middle of the night.  It was maybe two years ago and I was staring at the ceiling in yet another early morning awakening insomnia nightmare night.  Scribbled it down in the notebook I keep in my nightstand, which is full of one-liners, late night ideas and dream recaps.  And I knew I had to use it.  That I could build a story around it.  (But I’m too superstitious to write it here just yet.)

I also knew my hero would be helping solve a murder because her boyfriend (or maybe her ex or maybe the one that got away or maybe the one she pushed away…I wasn’t quite sure of who he was yet) stood accused.  And 20,000 words later I’ve got characters and a murderer in mind and am coming up with suspects.  The clues aren’t quite planted because on page 80 I still don’t have it all figured out.  And I still haven’t settled on a name for my leading lady or much of the supporting cast.  But the beauty of the first draft is that it’s a total information dump.  I’m getting it all out there and I’m actually getting excited to see this story take shape.  And I’m committed to seeing NaNoWriMo through this time. 

It’s been sacrifice.  I’ve skimped on the gym and my life in the past two plus weeks has pretty much been eat and sleep and work and write.  Not much story to be telling there.  But since I’ve been doing so well I decided to work in some reward this week (hello Bliss massage and an overdue trip to the hair salon!).   

Ah yes, I’m all about the reward.  And no where was this more evident than when I got my mail last night.  Well this isn’t good:

The only reason I get the black card or the Luxe or whatever the store is calling it these days is because I’VE SPENT WAY TOO MUCH MONEY THERE.  (See the black Bloomies card for further evidence.) 

The Jules is calling to me....

But this???  Damn you J. Crew and your sales and your 25% offs and your reward cards.  I have a closet full of your stuff and I’m even trying to sell some of it on ebay since your newish store policy won’t even let me return things for even a store credit after 30 days.  That one kills me.  I did resist the urge to take advantage of this week’s sale. And trust me when I write, it wasn’t easy.  I can always find the need for some tees or sweaters or maybe even a second pair of wedges.  But there are also new arrivals and there’s this dress I’m eyeing, which I think would be great for days when I want to be comfy but still look nice at work. I’m having a late in life appreciation for the dress as the way to go and have been stocking my closet with them over the past few years. (So much easier!)  So we’ll see.  Knowing me I’ll crack. Knowing J.Crew this dress will be half off by Thanksgiving,  I’ll feel better getting it on a deal, but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold out. 

And now Bloomies has Friends & Family going on.  Free shipping.  Oh and it’s also a hope, skip and a jump from my apartment.  I do need some new towels.  Too many Veteran’s Day sales knocking on my door.  Crap!

Trying to keep myself busy here - writing and cleaning to steer clear of the online shopping. I’m not really sure what happened to me but my willpower has been low, across the board for the past month or so.  Very off my game so trying to find a way to get it back and resist temptation. 

I’ve also reignited my Castle addiction.  Something about writing a mystery that makes me want to play the show about the mystery writer as my background noise.  I also picked up some songs from it today, which are going in my novel writing playlist. 

So the song of the day is “Pack Up Your Troubles” by Minnutes.  I read that it was originally a World War I marching song, but they revised the lyrics and that works for me:

I haven’t really been in a music mood lately, which is odd for me.  I’ve also let my DVR to get to 71% full yet I’m watching DVDs instead of the latest shows (or shows from two or three weeks ago because I’m that far behind).  Maybe when I hit 30,000 I’ll give my mind and my typing fingers a break and just lie on the couch for a few hours and watch TV. 

Until then, back to NaNo.  And to Beckett and Castle.  Inspiration all around!

50,000 Words In 30 Days? No problem!

Central Park in a different storm!

Happy to report that I am back in the land of the living and the land of electricity. I was a victim of this weekend’s snowstorm that came out of no where. (Way to downplay the storm in my parent’s part of the work EVER WEATHERPERSON IN NEW YORK.)  The “1 to 3” inches that were supposed to start after 9 p.m on Saturday night were about 3” before noon.

And it just kept snowing.

So I was stranded in the suburbs sans power, heat, trains and all the rest.  Now I could deal without the power, if it was a bit warmer in the house.  One of the many great things about visiting my parents and one of my favorite reasons for going is that I can essentially drop off the map and get the time out from life that I’m usually looking for.  So I’m fine without the internet and the a few days without TV, but the inability to cook sucked.  Ditto on the shower.  And wearing a winter hat, five shirts and two pairs of socks was not exactly fun.  Oh and the whole “I hope that tree doesn’t fall on the house” fear wasn’t exactly a walk in the park (more of a trudge in the snow…ba-dum-DUM!)

Maybe it was the brain freeze, but I found myself suddenly missing all the things I COULD have been doing if I was warm and there was light.  Like writing.  Trying to convince myself that if I had all the perks of home that I would actually be sitting down writing and not useless on the couch watching another episode of Housewives.  That I wouldn’t be just napping my weekend away. No.  No.  No. I’d be writing of course.  (Even though I haven’t in the weekend’s past.)

But I swore to myself that I would hit the ground running when the power came on.  IF the power came on.  Making deals with Mother Nature (and the powers that be at Con Ed) if they would just flip the switch and let there be light.  Now why Mother N. or a bunch of electricians would even care if I wrote again, I don’t know, but that’s beside the point.  And then the power came back.  And eventually the train. And life went back to normal (ish).  The good news is that I didn’t totally go back on my work and I wrote for the full 45-minute train ride home.  It may have just been free writing.  But writing it was.  I kept saying I’d get back to it, waiting for the time to be write…the mood to strike…the stars to align…my head to be in a better place.

And then I don’t.  And then I do it all over again the next day.  Or rather don’t do it.  Shortest path to staying unpublished?  Don’t write.  Not exactly rocket science.  And not exactly going to help me realize the dream.

In all fairness, I can pretty much find an excuse for anything.  Why I didn’t write today.  Why I didn’t read the book on how to edit my book to make it submission ready.  Why I skipped the gym.  Why I blew off my laundry for another day.  Why I don’t want to go to work.  Why I can put off today what I can also put off tomorrow.  I fully own the excuses for not doing these things (tired, lazy, world-class procrastinator).  But how lame is that?  I don’t want to be the all-talk girl.  There’s plenty of those kind of people in the world and honestly, they all kind of bug the crap out of me.  And then I realized I was becoming one of them. I had all these goals of things I’d accomplish by my birthday (I am more of resolutions on my birthday vs. at New Year’s kind of gal). But my birthday was three weeks again and I totally didn’t accomplish those goals.  Sigh. Boo.  Another year older and none the wiser.

There was some time to mull and sulk over what could’ve been.

And then it was time to pick myself up and try again. 

What I was in need of was a giant kick in the ass to get myself going.  I’m very deadline driven.  But one of the hardest things about being an I-am-dreaming-of-getting-the-call-that-an-agent-wants-to-represent-my-novel writer is that there isn’t an official deadline at the end of my road.  Just the self-imposed ones.  And I said it before, and I’ll say it again, you will often find me cleaning the bathroom instead of writing.  I think I can rationalize it in the sense that I may not be writing, but I’m still doing something active and accomplishing something legit.  I don’t know.  Makes sense up in my head. 

Doesn’t put any words on the page.

And then the universe gave me the ass kick.  It’s November 1^st which means it’s National Novel Writing Month.  For those of you who don’t know anything about NaNoWriMo, it’s simple (well not really):

1. You join a free online community of writers who took the pledge to spend the month writing their way to a new novel.
2. You write at your own pace.  Share the writing if you want.  Or keep it to yourself.  But definitely share your word count.  And write you ass off.
3. You have to start a new novel.  Not a work in progress. No back editing an old book.  New.  New.  New.  From scratch.
4. Oh and the goal is to write at least 50,000 words.  In 30 days.

Amaze-balls!

Yeah, so it’s not as easy as it sounds.  (When you break it down it’s less than 2,000 words a day but even that’s hard since even the best of the best don’t always write every day.)  But it’s up to the writer to do what they want with it.  The goal is to provide something workable and not 50,000 works of crap.  But what’s important is that you write. 

I’ll confess, I signed up a few years ago and I quit part way though.  I honestly don’t remember the details but am sure I just got off track, didn’t have my head in the game, made up some excuses, got frustrated when it got hard.  Welcome to the game!  If it was easy then everyone with a dream of writing would have written something. 

Fast forward to today and I’m not the same woman.

So I decided to do NaNoWriMo around 1:00 p.m. today and so far all I’ve written is this blog.  Part of my snowstorm pact with nature was that I would post at least two blogs a week, but now I’ve just road-blocked myself, so the next month is going to be interesting.  Factor in Thanksgiving and that’s going to be tricky.  Plus all that turkey can make a girl sleepy.

But here’s the what – towards the end of writing my last novel – a.k.a the one in desperate need of re-editing (the rejection forced me to see that the idea needed to be fresher, the stakes needed to be raised, and the whole thing just needed to be B-E-T-T-E-R) I kept having ideas for another mystery.  Someone getting murdered at work.  (That probably says more about where I was mentally at the time with my last job.)  Snippets of ideas and dialogue kept pushing through and I have little scribbles in a hundred different places.  So I decided that there’s no time like the present to get this baby out into the world.  Or at least out onto my computer.

So without any further ado, I’m off to Day 1 of NaNoWriMo.  I’ll be tracking my progress here and with a lot of focus and a lot of discipline I hope to be at 50,000 words in 30 days.  But for now, I’m going to worry about tonight, tonight and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.  (To paraphrase Terry Francona while talking to his 2004 Red Sox before Game 4 of the ALCS.)  Words I keep repeating.

I will cue the endless episodes of Castle and Bones and Murder, She Wrote (which often are the best background noise I can find).  And will also cue some music.  I must confess Kelly Clarkson came through again.  There’s just something about this girl and her anthems:

Anyone have any crazy goals for the next 30 days?  If not, why not do something to focus on your passions?  Consider this a challenge!

It's Not Difficult, But It's Hard

The Old Apartment
(cue BareNaked Ladies)

I’m a self-professed couch potato.  I won’t even pretend I’m not.  I can eat, sleep, read, watch endless TV and write all from the comfort of my I-die-for-my-red-L-shaped-sectional.  It’s from my former life in Boston where I had an actual one-bedroom apartment, which I do desperately miss some days (exposed bricks and soaring ceilings on Beacon Street….sigh).  But when I moved to NYC and it was time to buy, my pool of options was studios, and amongst my Top 5 must-haves: I wouldn’t even give a second thought to a place where my couch wouldn’t fit. 

So all these years later and the couch is here and so am I.  But it’s not that I’m a total sloth.  I will walk anywhere, any day, over taking subways or taxis, assuming time, weather and distance (or lack thereof) is on my side.  I walked home from my old job across town and love just spending my weekend walking the park or the neighborhoods or whatever.  On top of that I genuinely enjoy my yoga DVDs.  And I go to the gym. For my health.  For my psyche.  For my vanity. Do I love physically running every time?  Not so much. I don’t consider myself a “runner”.  I was a kid with asthma. (No inhaler jokes, please.)  I feel like a bit of a fraud when I go to a running store for new tees or a sports bra.  I’m not training for a marathon. I’m just a girl, who runs on a treadmill some days, because that’s what works for me.

But what I do love about the gym is that it’s total me time.  Music on.  World shut out.  I’m not dodging cars and buses and bike messengers on the street.  I’m in the semi-climate-controlled gym with a bunch of people who, as far as I can tell, are also mostly really interested in having their alone time.  (Minus the co-dependent gym couple who do synchronized workouts and make me want to scream CUT THE CORD!)  And for me, being at the gym runs a close second to being in the shower when it comes to the time I conjure up ideas, write stories in my head or work out my writing roadblocks.  

So while I was running in place I got to thinking about the many chats I’ve had with friends over the years, lamenting about our weight.  Wanting thinner thighs.  Tighter butts.  Whatever.  And we’re smart women and we know that losing weight and getting healthy is basically exercise + eating healthier (and maybe eating a bit less) = weight loss.  That formula isn’t so difficult.  But it’s hard. 

It’s hard to drag your ass to the gym sometimes. Work, sleep, life, family all seem to get in the way.  And even when you do have a successful workout, it can be hard to get your ass back to the gym the next time.  And the time after that.  It can be hard to resist the cookies or the pizza or the chocolate mousse.  It’s not so much difficult.  You just don’t order it.  Don’t buy it.  Don’t give in.  See, not so difficult. But on some days it’s so damn hard.

And in the grand tradition of one thing leading to another, I got to thinking about all those other things that aren’t necessarily difficult – we often know what the right decisions are, what we want, what we need.  But sometimes actually doing those things, making the not-so-difficult choices is hard.

Untangling yourself from the bad relationship.  You know it’s not working.  Or that you’re not into it anymore.  Or that you deserve more.  Or that you’re making excuses for someone else’s behavior.  Or, ugh! maybe ever for you own.  Whatever it is, you know it’s time to walk away and move on.  That even though there you were in love and there was a lot of good, these days it doesn’t outweigh the bad.  Not difficult to know what to do.  But sometimes it’s hard to get up and go. 

Ditto on the toxic friendship.  Or the friend you’ve just grown away from. It’s sad – sometimes downright heartbreaking when a person who was once so critical in your life is now someone you know so little about.  Or they are no longer that first person you want to call when something great or something horrible happens.  Or maybe it’s become the one-way friendship where you are always making the effort.  Or maybe you’re the friend who stopped returning the calls and emails because you don’t have anything to say.  You know you should just end the friendship, but it’s not that easy.  And it can be even more devastating that a romantic break-up.  But sometimes you just have to admit it’s over and close the door on that chapter. 

Reading that pile of magazines.  Now in all fairness I *may* have a slight giant problem when it comes to buying magazines.  I’m smart enough to subscribe to them so they are way cheaper (rationalization #1) and I’m supporting the struggling print industry (rationalization #2) and it’s one of the last vices I have left (rationalization #3).  They’re inspirations and I love looking at the fashion and I won’t lie, totally love the gossipy crap and will full on go out and buy a specific hair product because In Style told me that’s what Eva Mendes uses and who doesn’t want hair like Eva Mendes?  But I just can’t seem to keep up with this raging addiction.  Too many magazines, so little time….

Cleaning out my closet.  When I’m not being a sloth, or a poseur runner, I might be off doing some pack-ratting and hoarding.  I love clothes.  I love to shop.  That addiction is a blog post all in and of itself, but I also know that I have too much and I need to purge. I need to get rid of the things that are past their expiration date, that are not worth fixing and that may still fit and be in good condition but were bad purchases/are no longer my style/I never ever wear/I have duplicates of it.  Multiples of black pants are one thing, but coming home with a fabulous new cozy grey cashmere boyfriend sweater only to realize I already have a fabulous cozy grey cashmere boyfriend sweater from last fall that I totally forgot existed is not a good thing.  (I’m sure a shrink could have a field day with my shopping habits.)  I know, I know, I KNOW that I need to get rid of stuff. I even know what pieces I should start with, but it’s so hard for me to let go of things.  Partially because I have regrets of past giveaways (the Luckys, the leopard print coat, so many sweaters…) and partially because I know how much money I spent on these clothes and to give them away kind of just hurts.

   

And while typing this I had a full-on flashback that I’d read some version of this somewhere before.  A bazillion years ago (or rather in the 90s) Glamour magazine used to publish those fun lists at the end of the magazine.  I feel like I’ve already waxed sentimental on them (please, please, please bring them back).  But as everyone who read my Richard Grieco post knows, I have my archive binders upon binders filled with magazine tear-outs, including all of these wonderful lists.  Rachel Zoe has archives that include Chanel and Oscar and YSL.  Mine have pages from Glamour, Sassy and Mademoiselle to name just a few.  I’m good with that.  (I’m lying.  I’d like a little Chanel in my archives too!)

But for now, the best I can do (and I think it’s pretty damn good) is give you this:

Originally from Glamour magazine circa 1995 - this page is from my archives.

   

So yes, I agree, not everything is hard.  Sometimes the difficult things can be not-so-difficult.  And I wouldn’t be me without giving some of the easy things a little airtime.  What can I say?  I’m a Libra.  I need balance.  So I give you some things that are flat out easy: 

• Procrastinating.
• Losing all track of time while surfing the internet.
• Accumulating more bottles of nail polish than a local salon.  (However maintaining a chip-free manicure is definitely harder than it looks.)
• Turning off the computer and picking up a book.
• Cleaning the bathroom.
• Forgiving someone.  It may take time, but it's necessary and for me, has become easier in some cases.  Holding onto grudges and ugly feelings will only make you grudgy and ugly.  Rid yourself of the burden and forgive the person.  Doesn’t mean you have to forget what they did or welcome them back into your world.  Just don’t carry it around and let it weigh you down.
• Calling mom back and then having very long chats.
• Spending money on things I don't need (see the cozy grey cashmere boyfriend sweater from above).
• Being more stubborn than the other person.
• Getting sucked into a TV show marathon.  Yesterday I had Psych on as the backdrop to my day.  In and out of naps and while I was cleaning.  I started today with The Rachel Zoe Project.  Will watch these eps a hundred times over.  There was also a Dawson’s Creek Netflix DVD in there and in addition to giving me endless entertainment it also gave me wisdom, like this gem: “Life is chances that you never get back.” 
• Cutting my hair.
• Spending at least $25 every time I walk into a Duane Reade or a CVS.  
• Sunday morning.  (Sunday night.  Now that's hard.)
• And finally, a shout out to other people…saying “please”, “thank you”, and perhaps a “good morning” to your neighbors when you’re riding the elevator together...not so hard.  Just saying….

Also easy?  Coming up with a song to end a post.  It has nothing to do with anything except I saw it on VH1 Classic while I was getting ready for work on Friday morning and has been in my head ever since.  Epic.