So I had all these grand plans for my super rainy weekend –
was going to catch up on my overloaded DVR.
Finally install my back-up drive that’s been collecting dust in the
corner, so I don’t lose all my critical writing work (not that I’ve been
working on The Legacy, despite my big-balling
talk that I would get back to it). I was
going to return more stupid clothes that I bought because the ridiculous amount
of shit in my closet is just never enough.
Going to do the laundry.
Clean. Chip away at the magazine
pile while chipping away at the DVR.
Relax. Regroup. And get out of the stress-cycle I’ve been in
and get back to normal. Whatever normal is of course.
Well….end of the weekend tally? Did my laundry. Cleaned the bathroom. Watched some of the DVR in a bit of a
half-assed way. And definitely relaxed in there. (see Bliss massage) There was also some stress, but as usual,
blame the Libra inherent balance at work.
End. Scene.
I’m kind of the queen of best-laid plans going wrong these
days. But the whole life, interrupted..well,
that’s still happening. So this is me
dusting myself off and trying again. Cue the Aaliyah music.
So the DVR. I honestly am so far behind in almost everything
I’m embarrassed for myself. So don’t
talk Mad Men or The Killing or Bethenny
or Castle or Bones or Psych with me
because I just can’t contribute. It’s
far easier to watch the crappier shows (RHOOC
anyone?) since I can let it run while I’m getting dressed in the morning.
But there are some shows I will do my best to stay up for
and watch.
I give you Revenge.
Now in all fairness, while I did start watching the show on
Wednesday night, I only made it about halfway through. I woke up around 2:30
a.m., still propped up in bed with my glasses on. Yeah.
That’s a visual for you, isn’t it?
Meh. I’m on an Imitrex kick, so
sleep is usually imminent. And I can
live a headache-free existence again.
Score!
But I did finally watch the whole episode and SO DAMN
GOOD!
Now if you haven’t seen it, skip ahead…spoilers await you in
the next few paragraphs. As usual…you’re
warned. Here comes. Last chance.
And here we go. Well, what can I
say? Emily Thorne continues to be the
coolest chick ever. When she kicked the
crap out of that guy in the last scene “This is for Jack. And this is for Daniel.”…there’s a very good
chance I let out a hoot! And a holler!
For all her bad-ass-ed-ness. The
wig. The martial arts. The revenge.
God, she’s cool!
On the flip side, I have to say, that I’m so not down with
Jack. I know I’m in the minority here,
but seriously?! His obsessive love for
an 8 year-old girl he met for fifteen minutes some fifteen years ago just
creeps me out. I can’t believe I’m alone in this. I just don’t get it. (And, diehards, I know they knew each other
for more than fifteen minutes.
What? Fifteen days?) Any-over-analyzing…I’m just not seeing
it. Team Daniel here. All the way.
Who, poor thing, is under house arrest after his mother pays someone to
kick the crap out of him in jail. Um, thanks mom. And he’s ready to take the blame for Tyler’s
murder is Victoria tries to frame Emily.
I’m really rooting for Daniel and Emily.
Hope she’s not totally going to screw with him. I mean, she did kick
that guy’s ass for him (and Jack…I know).
Eventually she’ll have to choose – cannot wait to see how the writer’s
deal with that one!
Now I’m also not getting Victoria’s sudden secret luv-ah
from her past. He just happens to show
up in the same ghetto bar where Victoria (or Vicky or V, as this guy calls her)
goes to pay off the guy who orchestrated Daniel’s ass kicking. Say what?
How far into the past does this dude go?
And why does he still have a studio of paintings of Victoria? Presumably this guy is pre-Conrad so,
what? Have you painted nothing new in 25
years? Or he just keeps giant paintings
of the one who got away all over his stereotypical, rough around the edges,
studio. You, my friend, should head to
the Stowaway and meet Jack. He knows all about pining for chicks. I just don’t get the point of this man. I
thought David Clarke was Victoria’s one true love. But now we’ve got this guy to contend with? Can’t wait until Emily finds out about this
tryst and exploits it!
And have to save love, Love, LOVE Nolan. Character and actor = brilliant.
Dying for Wednesday to see what happens next. Hope Charlotte doesn’t OD or something on
Jack’s pills. Which, I get fictional
suspension of disbelief and all, but c’mon. Is this a bottomless bottle of
pills or what? She’s been milking them
since she found out David Clarke was her father. It’s the Mary Poppins pill bottle – she just keeps
pulling more out. Amazing that she’s
stoned all the time from this one magic bottle.
The last time I got prescription painkillers was when I got my wisdom
teeth out and doctor’s were still writing scrips for Oxycotin and if memory
serves I got about 8 of them. Not really
enough to keep me loaded for weeks on end.
But no big – I’ll believe the girl who played the 13 year-old Jennifer
Garner in 13 Going On 30 is a
painkiller pill popper. That’s what
makes TV great.
But one of the most compelling parts of this week’s episode
was the opening voiceover. Now I’m a sucker for a good quote and a good
voiceover can bring me to my knees (the ending of the pilot of Felicity totally jumps to mind….gives me
chills). Back to the present…I love how Revenge always has a theme (Chaos,
Betrayal, Charade). This week’s theme
was Doubt and opened with this:
“Doubt is a disease.
It infects the mind creating a distrust of people’s motives and one’s
own perceptions. Doubt had the ability
to call into question everything you’ve ever believed about someone. And reinforce the darkest suspicions of our
inner circles.”
It got me thinking about how doubt can totally creep in and
take over. How it can make a person
second-guess the strength of her writing and her ideas (and by “someone” I of
course mean me…figure that was pretty obvi).
But it’s so true…even when the doubt enters one part of our lives it can
domino effect into all the others. (This
outfit doesn’t really look good. Did I
say the wrong thing in that meeting? I think I was too honest. I wonder if he’ll ever call again, or if he
just met someone he likes more. If that
agent doesn’t like my book, it must be awful so no one will want it.)
 |
| No Doubt = far better than regular Doubt |
Ugh! DOUBT is
awful. And it can make you take
everything and everyone into question. And
if you’re drinking a cup of crazy, things can escalate something fierce.
And then there’s the whole benefit of the doubt – you give
it to people. Perhaps too soon. Or too often.
And then they let you down. But
maybe you give them the benefit again (even though you know they don’t deserve
it.) And they don’t show up – physically
or emotionally – as you hoped and then it’s like you’re doubting your own judgment.
It’s just a vicious circle.
But what’s important…what I’m lucky enough to have good
friends remind me of, is not to project my own fears and insecurities onto a
situation. To not doubt MYSELF. Writing is subjective. You cannot control how people respond to
situations. You cannot…or should
not…always assume the worst. Doubt can
absolutely wreck havoc on your heart and mind when you let it. And truth be told, it’s pretty easy for doubt
to sneak in the back door when you aren’t looking. For it to set up shop on your shoulder. For it squat there for a while and whisper
boatloads of bad things into you ear.
And sometimes, when the days are particularly dark, you (and me) may
even invite doubt in. Like a vampire.
(Word to the wise…and lessons learned from seven years of Buffy…do not invite doubt or a vamp in. But rocking out like Gwen? Always acceptable.)
So yes, doubt is part of this crazy life we live in. And it’s part of the process. But as someone who has lost herself in doubt
– questioned my decisions, not trusted my gut, hesitated – my advice is to
squash the doubt. To have faith in
yourself. To not let it infect your
thoughts. But if it does…when it does…make
sure you have that friend you can call up who can shake some sense into you and
remind you that sometimes the universe sends you exactly what you need. And that you should enjoy the moment and all it has to offer.
And with that, I will send you off with this - it's been a while since I've gone all Green Day, but this came on during the Shuffle mix while I was writing this and just reminded me how much I loved it:
