Fab Five Friday. And we’re back!

Same story.  Different month.

I haven’t written in ages. 

Got sucked so deep into the black hellhole of work.  Then had an absolutely amazing, perfect, fun, much-needed girls trip to Paris.  In some ways, in the best ways, it was like college – staying up late drinking and talking about anything and everything, listening to music and just having the kind of great time with your best friends that living along doesn’t allow for.  But unlike college, the wine and alcohol were better, as were the accommodations and the shopping budgets.  Happy to contribute to the Parisian economy!

And now I’m in the post-vacation depression where I have to pretend to really, really love my job, so they let me keep it.  But I’m also trying to straddle that line of getting my job done without working 70-hour weeks.  Things on paper are not as easy as they appear. But come hell or high water I’m going to try my damndest to work to live not live to work.

So there’s that. 

But it’s also Friday and here are the Five Fab things I’m obsessed with:

1.  Real Housewives is over and the reunion is on!

This season had a lot of switching alliances and while NY managed to dethrone Queen Zarin, Vicki continues to rise from the ashes/shame of dating a d. bag like Brooks.  She is the longest running housewife so more power to her.  And I have respect for the fact that she’s her own breadwinner and runs a successful business, but good God can that woman go from zero to scary, over-the-top, eyes-and-veins-bulging everything in no time flat.  Her high pitch scream scares the crap out of me.  And there seemed to be A LOT of screaming this season. 

Also, her bacon vodka? Not kitchy.  Stupid.  You need to let that one go.  And PS – you peed on Tamra’s bed this year.  Maybe make a lemonade vodka and color it yellow as an ode to the pee.  That would have been funnier.

But let’s break it down.  Vicki and Tamra and once again besties and now they are exchanging friendship bracelets.  I’m sorry.  When did everyone go into the time machine that made them 12?  You’re both rich.  Buy each other a friggin Hermes cuff or something cool like that.

Gretchen is on the outs again, but this time she doesn’t seem to have a lifeline to call.  Other than Slade and the dogs, she’s a bit alone on Planet Gretchen with her Auto Tune and her constantly changing face.  Please stop.

I can’t even talk about Slade.  Throwing up in my mouth a little bit.

Something else I can’t talk about?  Two words.  Slade’s.  Brother.  Or as Gretchen calls him, “the swamp people version of Slade”.   I’m not saying she’s wrong. I’m just saying I wouldn’t have said it on camera when I was on a reality show. I’m sure everyone will be laughing at that horribly rude slam over turkey this Thanksgiving.  And by “sure” I mean I’m sure they all think you are the mean-girl, bully, Alexis said you were.

I really like Heather and Lydia. I’m not quite sure why they had that kerfuffle on Part I of the reunion.  Peace and fairy dust, ladies.  Lydia is pretty funny. I wasn’t so sure I would dig her at the beginning but she talks back to Slade and is a refreshing change to the group.

I also totally liked the return of Lauri. I don’t know if anything she said was true, but there’s definitely some bs in Vickiland and I feel like Lauri probably witnessed a lot in the early days and probably knows what she’s talking about.  Just saying.  And the fact that Brooks may or may not have been dating a young stripper.  Who? What?  More vomit in the mouth.

Parts II & III of the reunion only look to get more dramatic, interesting, spastic and angry.  I don’t remember which one of them said this in the preview, but “bring on the tears”. I couldn’t agree more.  And I really hope someone slaps Brooks.

I know.  Bowl of milk.  Table for one.  I’m a catty, catty bitch. 

2.  TheRealReal.com

If you like designer, vintage, consignment shopping this is the place.  I somehow managed to resist buying pre-Paris, because I just kept convincing myself I would spend all my money there.  But I actually exercised some level of restraint….*some*…but came home with one non-buyers remorse and am trying to buy my way to happiness again.

Yes, I know *things* don’t fill the void and that they’re just a temporary high. But it could be worse. I could be eating to fill the void.  So I’m opting to be poor with some great things vs. obese and not being able to fit out my front door, when what I should probably be doing is investing all this money in a good shrink.

But whatevs – you can’t take it with you.  What I can take with me is a fab red Louis bag, Hermes scarf and Stella dress.

3.  Holy Grail = Holy Greatness

I feel like I may have already mentioned this. Or maybe that was FB or tumblr.  Either way, I’m kind of obsessed with this song.  While I do feel like Jay Z just sort of phoned in his part (what’s with the MC Hammer and “you still alive.  Michael Jackson’s Thriller”.  It hurts.)

However, I do think Justin nailed it.  This guy can sing and perform like crazy.

And maybe it’s because I’ve been down this road once or ten times, but I think the Justin lyrics are genius. 

“And baby, it’s amazing I’m in this maze with you.

I just can’t crack your code.

One day you’re screaming you love me loud,

The next day you’re so cold.

One day you’re here. 

One day you’re there.

One day you care.

You’re so unfair.”

No body on the Mickey Mouse Club could have seen this coming.

The Jay Z part is growing on my but I always feel like a poseur singing along rapping along to him in the privacy of my own home.  I also feel extremely white girl. 

4.  Nailing It

One of the many great things about spending a week away with your girlfriends is you get to check out everyone else’s make-up and products.  And we are four girls who love a good mani/pedi. 

I’m the kind of girl who does her nails three times a week. Because I hate chips. Because I like the ritual.  Because I spy new colors and I just have to have them. 

One of the girls introduced my what she says is the best top coat on the market.  For anyone interested it’s Duri Super Fast Dry. I kid you not, her nails looked amazing for a week.  Apparently I’m the exception to the rule because my nails continue to get little chips, but they are super shiny and they dry crazy fast.  I dare say it might be better than the Sally Hansen super-fast-dry-in-the-red-bottle polish. 

And what fun is a topcoat without a great color to shine up? I currently crazy obsessed with Essie Stylenomics.  It’s a deep green that people might think is black, but I’m cool with that.  For those of you who feared the sparkle in the OPI James Bond colors, this is for you.  It’s genius!  And while I wear dark polish 24/365 this reminds me that fall is coming.

5.  The heat is off

I’m not mourning the end of summer.  I’m counting the days when fall rushes in.  The past few days have been in the 60s in the morning. I’ve actually been cold in my apartment at night (yes, I still run the a/c).  And I can walk to work without showing up a sweaty, curly-haired mess.

Fall shopping for sweaters and boots and layers is the best.  And I have my eye on a little something-something in the boot department. Just need to stop TheRealReal.com addiction for a bit.

And fall means the return of TV shows.  And leaves changing colors.  And crisp air.  And the best magazine month of the entire year. 

I’m gathering my September issues for what I hope is a great, lazy reading-a-thon.  With the windows open.  And the breeze blowing in.

Let’s hope I didn’t just jinx it!  If I did, sorry about that. Like I said, I’m kind of a bitch!