Life's a Show...

“What is there but a dream?

Dream big.  Dream fierce.” 

- Viola Davis in her SAG award speech

Have to say I kind of love this quote.  Could be where I’m at...all about the dream...but it gave me chills in that good way.  I spent the weekend working on editing and updating my agent submission of the book-that-will-finally-land-me-an-agent-and-therefore-land-me-my-dream, or The Legacy for short.  I think I’ve made some good strides and tightened it up and cut out some crap (2,000 words of it, which is much harder than it sounds).  I fixed the beginning so it’s less forced and hopefully makes people want to keep reading.  I need to raise the stakes a bit and perfect the query, which is what scares me the most, and then I’m good to go.  So no problem, right? 

Famous last words.  Which is why I gave my brain a break and tuned into the SAG awards.  Having something to actually look forward to on a Sunday night is a lot of a novelty, so I was all in.  

Now I have to say, the award show as a whole was kind of a snooze.  I don’t like it when my people don’t win. No love for The Good Wife.  Tina Fey didn’t take home the crown.  WTF?  She’s amazing/kind of my hero in lots of ways .....On a sidebar, I FINALLY bought Bossypants on Saturday and cannot wait to dive into it after I finish the behemoth 400+ page Patricia Cornwell I’ve embarked on.  Now don’t get me wrong, it’s a great book so far.  But when my reading time is pretty much limited to the 20 minutes before I fall asleep in bed, often waking up about an hour later with the book on my chest, well it’s hard to make much respectable progress....

But back to the SAGs.  I have yet to figure out what makes Modern Family so great.  I’ve seen a few clips that I think are funny (the guy dramatically screaming “Stella!” when they are looking for the lost dog pops to mind).  But other than that...not so much.  And the kids doing the acceptance speech?  So annoying.  I don’t do shtick.  I also don’t have any pay cable, so don’t know anything about Boardwalk Empire except that Jen Lindley’s old boyfriend Henry is in it.  I was kind of hoping for a Michelle Williams/Michael Pitt reunion moment for old time's sake.  Please tell me I’m not the only one!  

And where were all the emotional speeches where people are blubbering and blabbering and screeching in total excitement?  It was like everyone who won an award knew it was coming and they walked up the stage like a person walking up to the counter to order a Big Mac.  Where’s the screaming OMG! I can't believe this is happening to me drama?  It just felt like a lot of too cool for school.  Other than the guy from The Artist (aka the man behind the total Clooney Best Actor upset and the man who just made the race for Oscar a hell of a lot more interesting!), Viola Davis seemed to be the only person who was A.) genuinely shocked and B.) didn’t have a prepared speech that was kind of devoid of emotion.  So thank you Viola!  It was worth 2 hours of Red Carpet and almost 2 hours of awards to wait for your quote.  

I have to confess I haven’t even see The Help yet, which is shameful given my total girl crush on Emma Stone, but I’m sure you were amazing...and you had me crying with you.  You too are going to make the Oscar race one to watch.  Maybe we’ll get some good crazy speeches along the lines of Roberto Benigni or Cuba Gooding Jr. or Halle Berry or Adrien Brody (though that was more so in a creepy way...sorry Halle) and of course Sally Field which everyone references, and Matt and Ben when they won for Good Will Hunting.  

Ah, the good old days.  

So thank God for the Red Carpet to inject some excitement into the night.  I do kind of totally love it and while I could go on and on, I'm going to cheat and just go with a whole lot of pictures.  Behold!  My favorites:

So gorgeous.  I wonder what it must be like to decide between McQueen and Valentino.  An existence I may never know.  Unless of course The Legacy gets optioned into a movie and I of course will write the screenplay...get nominated...and WIN!  Don't mind me...just dreaming fierce!

But even the SAGs have to come to an end.  And while the Red Carpet was pretty much error free, I did hear some uber disturbing wardrobe malfunction news on E! tonight.  Apparently Celine Dion *flashed* the audience of her show last night.  She didn’t connect the dots between really short dress + a stage high above the audience + kicking her leg up in the air.  I mean the woman can sing, but ugh.  Celine, dear, what you have is an indoor cat.  Let’s keep it clean and leave the below the belt shots to LL and Brit-Brit and Paris.

And since there’s no way I’m ending on that note, allow me to go back to a much happier place....a place of Clooney.  What can I say?  Despite the obvious totally handsome factor (are you DYING for this picture?!??!), he seems like the coolest dude.  He’s the man who makes the ladies swoon and seems like the kind of guy other guys would want to hang out with.  Hell, the kind of guy that girls just want to hang to with.  I had the extreme pleasure of seeing him up close and personal here in NYC when he was filming Michael Clayton and ladies, he does not disappoint.  He.  Looked.  AMAZING.  I was so relieved to find out that he’s not 5’4” in real life or that he was a douche.  He posed for pictures.  Waved.  Smiled.  I DIE!  So heads up, he’s going to be on Inside the Actor’s Studio on Tuesday night so tune in.  It’s bound to be a keeper!

And cue up the DVR because Ringer is back tomorrow night too.  I’m going to officially have way too much TV to keep up with, but am going to do my damnedest to get it all in.  And the fact that I figured out that they replay episodes of Buffy on the Chiller channel in the morning, just officially made it that much harder for me to be able to get out the door in the morning.  This morning’s ep was early in Season 3 when Buffy finds out that Angel isn’t really dead.  OMG!  I got chills.  Joss Whedon is a genius.

And in the spirit of genius, Once More, With Feeling:

"Where there's life, there's hope!"

You had me at xoxo

As a writer, first and foremost, I often find inspiration in other people’s words.  In song lyrics...lines from a novel...quotes from TV shows or movies...from speeches and presentations.  The fact that it’s award season?  Well, despite the magical wonder than is the Red Carpet, I am also a total sucker for acceptance speeches.  There are usually some great gems in there.  Like when Robin Williams won for Good Will Hunting and he thanked his wife for “lighting my soul on fire every morning”.  Makes me all teary even now.  Part of me wants to be the person who inspires someone else like that and the other part of me wants to be able to thank someone for lighting my soul on fire.

  

And then Renee Zellweger when she won and said that she learned that “kindness and success are not mutually exclusive”. What a lovely concept.  The fact that she learned it from Tom Cruise...thank you Jerry McGuire...well...meh!  And while I love Katie...who as Joey Potter could fill a book with good quotes...it does pain me a little to be mentioning Tom here.  Too much fake bravado for me.  I’ll confess I thought Jerry McGuire was a great movie ("I've had three lovers in the past four years, and they all ran a distant second to a good book and a warm bath.")  But Tom never had me at hello.  Just saying.  

Anyone else weirded out by the little kid being some ripped body builder now?  It doesn't seem right.  Feel like he should have been in Harry Potter or something instead.  

But in my case the pen has more might than the sword.  (Don't even go there. That was a Harry Potter reference.)  Moving on quickly...the reason I can pull these quotes out at any time is because I have books filled with them, going all the way back to junior high.  Hmmm....guess the writing was on the proverbial wall.  But it’s true.  Anytime I see or hear a great quote I am quick to jot it down.  It’s one of my better habits.  So when I came across the below work of amazingness a few weeks back when I was reading some writing blogs (or rather procrastinating disguised as working), it stopped me dead in my tracks.  

It was created by three guys right after they quit their jobs and set out to live their dreams.  (Me.  Envious.)  You can read more about it at www.holstee.com/manifesto.  And I have to say for a girl who is jotting down quotes pretty much daily I thought this one was beyond ahh-may-zing.  Sometimes you read something (or at least I do) and it rings so true it screams at me.  This was one of those times.  Part of me is so happy someone wrote this becuase I feel like i can find so much in it today and for years to come.  And the other part of me is so jealous I didn’t write it because I think it’s kind of brilliant.  

I tend to have a lot of writing envy. I even found myself getting all jealous of Dan Humphrey for getting that second book deal even though “The Insider” fell off the Times best seller list and he blew off his book tour. I mean how crazy am I right now?  I’m kind of a lot afraid to hear the answer to that.

Though I do take a little comfort in the “I told you so” factor. I predicted that Blair would conveniently lose her baby in the car accident so now she’d be free to be with Chuck. And she did.  But wait...now there’s the whole Blair-found-God storyline.  And then there’s a creeper evil priest storyline that I can’t even be bothered trying to follow or understand.  And Nate’s cousin Tripp (don’t even get me started on that name) tried to kill him by draining the break fluid from his limo.  I mean who even knows how to drain fluid from a break line?  Especially when you’re supposed to be a Councilman or Governor or some crap. 

O! M! G!  

I have a pretty good suspension of disbelief and I love a good crappy show as much as the next teenage girl, but Gossip Girl.... 

YOU. ARE. KILLING. ME.  

I was devoted to you for years.  I did love you.  XOXO.  Bought the DVDs.  (Don’t judge me, judgers...Season 1& 2 were smart and witty and the delicious evil was just that.)  But now? I beg of you. For me.  For all of us.  Just end it.  Put Chuck and Blair together and let them be evil and conniving. Nate and Serena had killer chemistry at the Shepard wedding (and after) so let them live happily ever after.  Dan should fly to India or to wherever Vanessa ran off to.  Go be with your bestie and be all creative and funky together.  End scene.  Please.  It’s time for you guys to go.  Even the fashion stopped being interesting.  

I miss when it was great.  Like Chuck and Blair in the back of the limo.  This was the song that was playing.  So damn good.

I mean how happy is Eric that he ditched the UES for Montauk, reinventing himself as a townie named Declan?  (That one was for you, Revengers!)

Okay...so back to midtown east...as I may have mentioned here once or every post, the life dream is to make a living by writing.  And after attending my first legit writing conference I had the good fortune to meet so many other like-minded people.  And I don’t know if it was good fortune to see all the competition, but it was very eye opening.  Especially when I saw the drive so many of these people had to never give up.  I was in the minority as a first-timer and must admit at one point I felt very behind the pack.  It was like puberty all over again...as I waited while my friends grew boobs, grew in height, and had a reason to blush in the supermarket when they stopped to select something from the “feminine” aisle while I well...wasn’t.  (And yeah, I know! I should be all loud and proud like Khloe K. and break down that Kotex wall with some Real Talk and not go with “feminine aisle”, but maybe we’ll save that one for another day.)

Back to the dream...or the reality of competition...it was just the reality check I needed.  And just the dose of hope too.  And inspiration.  I think most people can relate, whether you write or not, to the fear of putting yourself out there - physically, emotionally, you name it.  Because rejection isn’t fun for anyone - or at least anyone I know.  

But there's that whole line about nothing worth having comes easy......so once again I’m dipping my toes into the cold pool and am putting myself back out there. I know an agent isn’t going to come a-knockin’.  I don’t live in a movie or a TV show, which in this case is unfortunate because if I did I would get to live in Monica and Rachel’s apartment instead of my studio.  (But I love you, studio!  Never fear!)  I’d also meet an agent while I was getting my hair colored or while I was online buying milk and apples at the Food Emporium and they would hand me the card...interested in what I wrote...and a few magic days late I’d be signed with a six-figure deal.  Ah, that would be lovely!

I really should be glued to my chair for the foreseeable future.  I have two agent submissions to get out and after learning so much at this conference, lots of changes and new ideas to get into the story before I can send anything out, so the self-proclaimed homebody just found a legit excuse to be in hibernation mode this weekend.  And the cherry on top is the SAG Awards are Sunday night.  Red Carpet.  Tear inducing speeches (see above).  Epic!  And I can’t wait to see what they’re wearing.  The popcorn will be popped and I will be tuned in.

Now I have to confess, for someone who is addicted to TV and Netflix and iTunes downloads, I really haven’t seen anything that’s Oscar nominated. I love the movies but I never quite get there.  Time.  It’s stupid expensive.  I’m at home.  Hermiting.  But I did want to mention that I am SOOOOO happy to see Melissa McCarthy get nominated. Most of my friends know I don’t do potty humor, so that whole sequence in Bridesmaids was less funny to me than most other people.  But she was pretty damn funny.  And she was great as Sookie...my perpetual soft spot for Gilmore Girls.  ("Did anyone ever think that maybe Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy, she was just cold? - Rory)  I’ll be rooting for Sookie.  Nice to see someone off the beaten path get a nod.  

What I am grateful is o-v-e-r is RHOBH.  I said it before and I’ll say it again - watching Talyor and Russell all season was cringe-inducing to me.  And I’m not a “wedding girl” so I wasn’t ecstatic to see Pandora’s wedding unfold (but congrats just the same!) and Kim’s whole sitch was also pretty painful to watch.  Kind of a crappy season.  And why oh why did they think anyone would want to watch Paul get a colonoscopy?  INAPPROPRIATE! Do I really want to watch a grown man toot?  See above.  A world of no.  

But who am I kidding?  I’m totally going to watch the reunion becuase that’s really the best part of the whole damn season.  And I read that Brandi goes cuh-ray-zee!  I kind of can’t wait to see that.  I know.  Hypocrite.  Party of one.

I am otherwise shamlessly behind in TV.  It’s been a busy week.  Other than the full time job that kicked my ass this week, I’ve been trying to spend all the free time on writing.  It’s all cutting into my quality TV time which makes me sad, but the weekend is on the horizon so I know I’ll make up for it.  

Until then I will leave you with these little nuggets:

1. Pretty Little Liars - nice job on finding another mysterious video from the day Ali died. Ezra leaving his car in traffic, running to Aria and kissing dramatically in the rain.  Barf!  So cheesy even for ABC Family.
2. The Lying Game - Annie isn’t really their mother?  Hmmmm....not too shocking. Cordelia possibly having a love connection with the creepy father?  Say it isn’t so!  
3. Revenge - I’m behind on commenting on this one, but *SPOILER ALERT*...burning down George from Desperate Housewives’ cottage?  Genius.  And finally getting rid of Amanda.  Can only hope she stays away. (I’m guessing she won’t.)  And the Charlotte & Emily twist?!!?  SO GOOD! 
4. 90210 - Can they make Liam be any stupider?  I think not.  Then there's Ivy's new BF whose all ready to go to Afghanistan to be a photojournalist - “There’s worse things in life than being dead.  Like not following your passion.”  Hmmmm...thanks for that moderately depressing and oddly inspiring quote.  And better yet..."We all have a past.  I mean if you Googled me, you'd crap yourself."  LOL.  Thanks Aide.  Brilliant way to end this!  Wait til you find out Silver is dating the dude who adopted your daughter.  Am guessing you'll be the one crapping yourself.

I’ve also been watching a lot of old Grey’s Anatomy episodes...the early ones are really the best.  The story was great.  The quotes.  The music.  This is from a middle season episode but it’s still one of the best songs.  Btw - anyone else think she looks like Rose McGowan?  

Happy listening! Seriously ;-)

I Blame Bliss

So the last time I wrote a post that included me going on and on about the new 90210  was after I got home from a massage at Bliss.  I was relaxed into a state of enjoying the craptastic wonderfulness of the show.  It was liking watching some bizarro movie like Natural Born Killers that only makes sense if you are totally out of your mind.  90210 on a Bliss massage makes sense. I take zero responsibility for my actions post-massage forward.  

Which is why, when I came home tonight, in a kind of a daze, and I turned on the TV and there it was - Annie and Dixon and Adriana and Naomi and the gang, well I was powerless to do anything other than watch.  

Marky Liam.  In case you forgot.

It’s New Year’s Eve in Bev Hills and even though I missed the first 25 minutes of the episode it didn’t take me long to catch up.  Marky Liam, who was hit by a car in the winter cliffhanger is alive and well.  Phew!  That was a close one!  Like when Dylan got knocked out by a wave and had to live with the Walsh’s.  No one does “will the hero die in this one?” like the 90210 franchise. 

Marky Liam is of course a-okay except for a band-aid on his face.  I sustain more injuries working a curling iron than a dude in a motorcycle accident, but that’s my issue.  And wouldn’t you know...the chick who hit Marky Liam is now claiming she found him left for dead after a hit-and-run.  That was a little obvi.  Of course this random beautiful girl will latch onto the model she just plowed down.  No one will ever figure out she hit him.  Especially not the mechanic who scrapes her maroon paint off his motorcycle.  The fact that she’s a total Grifter Chick was also an obvi plot turn. Luckily, Marky Liam is a moron but his ex has already figured out that Grifter Chick is the one who hit him (thanks to some help from the mechanic!)  Don't get too settled in Grifter.  Your days are as numbered as Val's friend Ginger when she went all Indecent Proposal on Val and David.  The good news is that you too will of course get to cause some drama just to keep things interested so I'm sure you have a few more eps to look forward too.  

Annie Get Yourself a Stylist!

As for Marky Liam’s ex, Annie, well, she’s trying to start fresh and walk away from her super soulmate.  He’s kind of the Dylan to her Brenda.  But for now, Annie is just praying she won’t get sent back back to DeGrassi and be forced to resume her place at the helm of Friendship Club.  (aka Virgin Club.)  Oh, Darcy (which is what they call you up in Canada, ay?)...where you really should go is to Rachel Zoe’s house - stat - for some styling help.  I’m just saying.  You’re young in Hollywood.  There’s a lot of competition out there.  And you could do better.  

Back to your current sitch, I realize totally destroying your ex’s new relationship with the Grifter Chick is a priority.  Plus since you accidentally took GC’s purse instead of your own on New Year’s Eve which meant when you went to the airport so you could pursue your new life at Carnegie Melon but you couldn’t get on the plane because you couldn’t produce any photo ID because “O-M-G this isn’t my wallet.  Or my purse!” well you are forced to stay in 90210 at least until the end of the season.  Foiled again! (I’m shaking my fist in a rage right there with you Annie Darcy!)  

And I HAVE TO call bullshit on the whole purse thing...how is it that you manage to leave a party, go home, sleep, pack for your life changing move, and make it all the way to the airport check-in counter without once opening your purse and realizing it’s not actually yours?  Don’t you have to get your keys out?  Use your cell phone?  Put on some lip balm?  Lend someone a tampon?  Need a few bucks to buy a Diet Coke or a Starbucks?  Use a tissue to wipe up your tears as you plan to leave 90210?  No?  Then what the hell do you carry a purse for?  It wasn’t even a particularly stylish one. I’m a purse girl. I’m judging.  

And the whole purse switch-a-roo....haven’t seen that done well since One Tree Hill when all the girls at Haley and Nathan’s second wedding had the same purse and one of them left a positive pregnancy test in hers.  Crap!  I do that all the time too.  Peed upon stick with total life changing information displayed with a little + sign?  Meh, I’ll just shove it in my purse and then leave said purse laying around at a crowded wedding.  Nothing could possibly go wrong with that line of thinking.

Love Brooke Davis and this cheestastic collage. 

But back to 90210...

Here’s where is gets embarrassing.  No joke.  I wasn’t really embarrassed until this point.  But the whole “moving forward” theme of the episode gave me pause.  About moving on. Moving forward with your life.  Doing what’s right for you.  Yes! Yes!  YES!  I hear you Naomi.  And Ivy.  You go girls!  I can move forward too!  Be a strong woman.  Putting myself first.   Getting over my husband, who I married after a mere few months because he had terminal cancer but then got better and decided to go really live his life without out me.  Oh, wait.   That wasn’t me.  And I missed a few episodes in there so I’m not sure how Raj was cured and why he dumped Ivy. I just know he's not on the show anymore.  Luckily Ivy has already fallen in love with a new man.  And guess what? He loves her too. Ah.  It’s like reality TV sometimes.  

And last, but certainly not least, Silver is still dating the married guy with the kid.  She finally has a chance to meet his daughter who he reveals was adopted because his wife couldn’t have children.  (Guess that wasn’t her pregnancy test Lucas found back in Tree Hill.)  Thank god! married man sighs, that some stupid high school girl got knocked up and had a drug problem and had to give her baby up for adoption.  Um....what was that plot twisting brilliance?  Silver is dating a man who adopted Adriana’s baby?  And Adriana used to be Silver’s bestie until Adriana secretly replaced her bipolar meds with generic white pills so she would blow her interview at NYU as payback for Silver sleeping with Adriana’s boyfriend, Navid?  Silver and Navid kind of have the Kelly and Dylan soulmate thing going.  I mean it all seems justified to me.  But, Navid?  It seems like some weird play on David.  And David + Silver = David Silver.  I call way more than coincidence.   

But more importantly than that....bravo, writers of 90210.  You’ve won me back.  

And Bliss...you never had a chance of losing me.  You know I heart you the most!  Even if massages do make me babble on about things that should shame me more than they do. I’m going to take this whole thing as the universe’s one-two punch that my body and my mind were in dire need a break tonight.  Done and done.

And The Great Mystery?  I'm at 88,066 words in case anyone is asking.  I'm hitting a major rough spot and trying to push through the muck.  I keep reminding myself it's okay to write crap.  Because that's still better than writing nothing at all.   And on that note, some music for the fade out:

"Speak my mind any time 'cause I got the master plan"

So a bunch of things have crossed my mind and my path (by way of the news) in the past couple of days.  And I realized that my choices and my opinions would probably make a lot of people be all w-t-f is she thinking? saying? talking about?  And then I thought, maybe I should keep all this to myself.  But I realized - where’s the fun in that?  

So sure, I’m probably going to catch some flak for what lies beneath, but I’m okay with that.  I’m confident in my opinions.  I mean, if I wasn’t, would I really put them out there for all the world to read?  (Okay.  Yeah.  I know.  The whole world doesn’t read my blog.  But not for nothing, they should.  It would make getting this writing career off the ground and keeping it airborne a whole lot easier.)  

But until that fine day, there’s this:

Living Alone.  And Loving It:

I read this fabulous article in yesterday’s NY Times and found myself agreeing with so much of what Dominique Browning was saying.  I have major career envy as she’s a successful writer and has had lots to say over the years.  Now I should confess that I feel some sort of bizarre connection to DB because in a former job I had to try to track down her address so my company could send her a holiday gift.  She was not an easy lady to find, but I finally found her through her agent and was able to send her the gift.  But in the process got to do a lot of research on her, which I found very interesting. And the whole process fed into my love for mystery/my secret desire to be Laura Holt/Kate Beckett/Bailey Wiggins/Alexandra Cooper/JB Fletcher all rolled into one very cool package.

So back to the article (read it!) - it’s essentially about women happily living on their own, enjoying freedom and independence.  That if we fall we will pick ourselves up.  We don’t need anyone else to pick us up.  DB writes most women who are single are living happily and loving their lives.  And there are moments of loneliness, for sure, but until we fall madly in love, we’re fine to keep living on our own.  Most of the time.  And I love the concept of MADLY in love.  Not wanted to settle for anything less.  I just found it to be such a powerful article.  Maybe because it made me feel like feeling what I feel is okay.  Is more than okay.  

And men?  Don’t get me wrong. I love men.  This is not a bitter anti-man post.  I’m neither bitter.  Nor anti-man. And some people might judge.  Go nuts.  But relationships are a lot of work.  And men are a lot of work.  (Clearly us ladies are a cake walk.  Preferably chocolate cake.)  And it’s going to take a truly righteous man to make me want to exert all that work.  But I will.  Because it will be worth it.  

Sidebar:  I’ve been watching a lot of Friends lately because you can buy full seasons for $9.99 on iTunes right now.  (Insert lack of self-control and things you can do when you live alone.)  One of my favorites from Season 1 is when the girls do the cleansing ritual to break the bad boyfriend cycle.  Phoebe is reading the “ingredients” for the ritual, as they throw things into the fire and it goes like this:

• Phoebe: Ok. All right. Now we need the semen of a righteous man.
• Rachel: Ok, Pheebs, you know what, if we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.

Makes me laugh every time.  


So yes, for a righteous man, I’d do the work.  But pre-righteous, I love that I my mess is my mess.  That I can have dinner whenever I want.  That I can call peanut butter and crackers dinner.  That I can lie on the couch and watch back-to-back episodes of Revenge and fall asleep in the middle of it and when I wake up do it all over again if I so please.  That’s all I’m saying.  

And I can also live in an at-home wardrobe of....

Juicys:

I don’t care how 2002 their velour track suits are, they are so damn comfy.  I’ve been in them for about a decade now.  Don’t care if you think they’re passe.  I will say, I don’t wear them as a matching set.  (But so what if I did?  You have a problem with that?  No.  Really.  I swear I don’t.  Too Paris Hilton.  Too not “that’s hot”.)  But I love the pants.  Love the hoodies.  Love that after Christmas the Juicy site had a sale and then had another 40% off said sale. So yeah.  I restocked my overstocked closet with all new, deliciously soft, totally cozy, I-would-wear-these-to-work-if-I-thought-I-could-get-away-with-it comfies.  Love them.  Mock me if you will.  Don’t care.  Can’t hear you here in my juicy little bubble.

Jorge Posada’s Retirement:

When the news of Posada’s retirement annoucement broke on Saturday I got a lot sad.  It’s the end of an era.  I even changed my Facebook status, which I NEVER do.  That’s how bummed I am.  

Now I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been a baseball fan since I was a kid.  And I do genuinely love the game.  But I also fall in love with the players.  (And no, not in a dirty way.  Well not always.)  Back when I was little and not having any salacious thoughts about anyone or anything because I didn’t even know what salacious was, I followed the Mets with epic dedication.  I’m telling you, when I’m into something, I am all in.  

But anyway...at the end of the 1985 season this jerk at school told me the Mets were going to trade Mookie Wilson (aka my first hero) away to another team to make way for Lenny Dykstra.  (The ankle bracelet you’re sporting these days isn’t quite the same as a pair of cleats is it, Nails?)  I cried my eyes out about Mookie. I was devastated.  But then he didn’t get traded.  But he did get severely injured in Spring Training (in the form of shattering sunglasses to the eye) and I cried again.  A lot.  And then some more.  It was hard to know when he would come back to play.  (Especially with that bastard Dykstra trying to snag his job.)  But Mookie did return.  And much much later that season there was Game 6 of the World Series.  And history was made.  And I cried again.  But this time I was majorly happy.  

But back to Georgie.  I know.  Everyone needs to move on.  And it’s his time.  He’s had a good career and should end on a high.  I’m just sad that he didn’t get a better sendoff season.  There was so much drama surrounding his career in 2011 and I really feel like he was treated like crap.  He was a central part of the team for 17 years.  Show the man some respect.  In my perfect vision he gets to throw out the first pitch on Opening Day 2012 at Yankee Stadium.  He gets a standing O.  There’s a lot of Hip! Hip! Jorge!  I’d totally cry if that happened.

Tim Tebow:

No lie...about three weeks ago I had ZERO idea who this guy was.  The name didn’t ring any kind of bell.  Not even a faint one.  I’m telling you.  People at work were in awe of my total lack of knowledge.  And I like to think I’m pretty in tune with what’s going on in the world.  Or at least what’s covered on morning TV.  But Tim Tebow?  He could have been a random midwestern mayor or a an obscure inventor from a hundred years ago or the name of someone’s creeper ex-boyfriend.  Nada.

Then I found out who he was.  And now he’s freaking everywhere.  As in was just on E!News.  For the love of God.  Get off E!  You play football.  Unless you’re dating Minka Kelly and on vacay with her in Paris, don’t want to see you on E!  I seriously can’t shake the guy.  Kind of like a creeper ex.  Humph!  How that for things coming full circle?  Whatever. I’m still being haunted.  

People Who Bring Their Dogs Into Stores:

I know!  I can hear the people mumbling now.  “She hates men and dogs?  This girl is AWFUL!”  For the record, I don’t hate either.  What I do hate is people who bring their dogs into stores.  And then there are the ones who let the leashes out so Fido can mosey around while I’m tripping over his leash.  I mean honestly, if you want to bring one of those novelty dogs in your purse, that’s all you. Let Fifi poo in your Prada.  Makes no difference to me.  But the big dogs?  The ones who yip?  The slow movers who weighs more than a can of Diet Coke...don’t want to see them in Bloomies.  Or Barnes & Noble.  Or the friggin supermarket.  They are dogs.  Not babies.   But I get it.  The dog is your universe and you want to spend some QT together.  And dogs need to go for walks.  So take your dog for a walk.  Play in the park.  Or perhaps in the comfort of your own home.  Don’t take them into a dozen stores while you run your errands.  It’s annoying.  And rude.  I don’t hate dogs, but I do live in a pet free building for a reason.  It's called by choice.  

Beyonce’s Baby:

Okay, this one might be too much.  But I have to vent.  

So you had your baby.  Congrats!  And mom and baby Blue are happy and healthy.  And we’re done.  That’s all I need to know.  

Yet, I’ve heard this story more times than I count since I dragged my ass out of bed at 5:30 to go to the gym. 

It’s everywhere.  From GMA to E! to Fox.  And I’m sorry but I just don’t care to hear about it.  There’s like 400,000 babies born every day.  And I get it. You’re famous and people want to hear all about it.  I’m not one of those people.  I’m far more interested in celebrity gossip for the celebs who have at least made it through puberty.  Kids should have a childhood.  In private.  So let’s shut this story down.  

But wait we can’t.  Because now there’s all this drama with Lenox Hill and how other people couldn’t see their babies because B and Jay Z took over the whole damn place.  It’s reedonkulous.  

This story is going no where fast.  I just know it’s going to carry on for weeks to come. Will they sell their baby photos to People? Who will get the first picture of B leaving the now controversial Lenox Hill?  This story is so going to be one of the cover stories on my US Weekly.  

And b-t-w, when Beyonce shows up on the cover of some fitness magazine next month, in a barely there bikini, showing how she transformed her body from baby-weight-to-amazing-shape just four weeks!!!!  Don’t want to see it.  Not while I’m running my ass of on the treadmill trying to drop my vacation weight.  From September.  I couldn’t care less about B’s fitness tips.  

Or could I?

No I couldn’t.  That’s why the phrase is “I couldn’t care less”.  Because I COULDN’T.  

So why oh why do people insist on saying “I could care less” in one of those spastic moments?  Because it kind of loses its impact people when you are trying to say you don’t really give a crap, but in fact you are actually saying you do.  

And I hear it on TV a lot too.  And I love TV writers.  I love lots of people who get paid to write for a living and experience their dreams.  (I do not however love that Snooki and anyone else on that crap show has a book deal.)  But c’mon writers of Revenge...did you make Charlotte scream she “could care less” to her mother on purpose?  Was it ad lib? We all know Charlotte is a smart chick.  But Victoria won that round because even though Charlotte attempted to claim not to care if her mother grounded her...well....read the quote.  Apparently she could’ve cared less.

I know. I’m nitpicking.  Saying “could care less” isn’t a deal-breaker with me. More like a pet peeve.  Just had to put that one at there.  

So that’s my story.  Let me know what the flak you think of it!

And if anyone is keeping count besides me, The Great Mystery is at 84,146 and I've almost figured out how my heroine is going to figure out who the killer is.  Success!


And for your listening pleasure...my latest musical obsession.  Played best on repeat.  (Plus if you listen to this, the title of this post will make sense!)