Every once in a while I have a bit of buyer’s remorse that I
went all “hey, it’s me” with this blog because that means I can’t always say
what I really, really want to say. And
yeah, I know, I can do whatever I
want. It’s a free country.
Blah-di-di-blah-blah-blah. But as
soon as I let loose and let it all hang out…that’s when the buyer’s remorse
might kick in.
Like if I wrote here what I’d say in text rant about my craptastic
day and the people who made it that way. What I’d verbally vomit between
glasses of wine and asking our lovely waitress “can we get some more
chips?”. What I’d scream at the TV when
I watch bad good reality TV or E! or Girls
or whatever else I’m obsessing with these days. What last brought me to tears. (It’s more
embarrassing that you’d even think. But shockingly it wasn’t the Lifetime movie
Restless Virgins that I DVR’d and
then watched in it’s horrid entirety.
That actually made me laugh. And filled
me with a bit of rage that crap like that gets made into a movie and I’m still
striving to find an agent for what I think is far better writing in my
book. But I’m obvi totally biased.) And of course if I said some of the thing
that crossed my mind on a daily basis…this might get upgrade to a “not suitable
for children” rating.
But don’t get me wrong. I’m still a bucket full of honest here. Swear.
But some days it’s more like the cautious honesty you have with people
you work with or people you just don’t want to invite inside the vault. Not yet at least. They get the honesty…but they don’t get the
full disclosure. Lest they think you
were selfish or immature or insensitive or crazy or that you have bad taste in
TV or that you rage too much on the weekend or that you are nightmare in
relationships or that you should spend more time (or maybe less time) with your
family. That you whine and bitch and
complain and judge and are a pushover or not opinionated enough or have way,
way, way too many opinions.
And sure at the ripe old age of now, maybe I shouldn’t care.
And trust me when I say it’s not that I care. But if we’ve learned anything from celeb
Twitter accounts….you can’t always unring the bell. And you can’t always unsee things. (Ugh. I’m
back to that damn Bieber-is-shirtless-in-the-hospital image again. Damn you
J.B. And the cherry on top? You have a
freak-out at the paparazzi. You’re giving them what they want. And I know you have all sorts of weird
pressure and you’re still a freaking tween living in a fake reality. But to paraphrase some random person who I
came across while surfing the US Weekly
site in a daze this weekend- Bieber is one shaved head and umbrella away from a
Britney 2007. Cautionary tale, J.B. Trust.
I’m not all kinds of honest here, but this is lots of honest.
Here comes the Libra.
You can’t unring that Bieber bell.
But I’m also a girl who likes to ring her bell. Do we need balance? Or are we just uber-complicated chicks? Both, of course.
So the vault is open.
A bit. I’m just going to be
careful about what I let out. And maybe
change the faces and places to protect the innocent. (Or rather not-so-innocent because they
always make for more interesting stories anyway.)
Unfortunately sometimes I’m a big old sieve. (Goalie!
Sieve! Goalie! Sieve!) And it’s not always drinking thinking, so I
really really have no one to blame but myself.
Like the other day at work when I
didn’t even feel a slight twinge of shame when I not only admitted that I know
what The Lying Game is, but in an
effort to explain how horrible of a show it is I actually revealed that I’ve
seen every episode since it premiered…and PS – we’re in Season 3 now….and not
even Cordelia being on it can justify this Buffy 4-Eva fan watching it. But I just can’t stop talking about it. Even though the people I’m talking to are
looking at me with wide eyes and a look that absolutely says they are
embarrassed for me. And then I tell them
why I think Ethan is better than Thayer (officially worst teen soap name ever
by-the-by). Sigh. I know.
Shame.
But I’m cool with it.
Some people get very little out of me….some people get just enough to
know who I am….and the rest….well, sorry you get the whole Kukla Fran and
Caboodle. If you know me at all, this is
not a shocker. If you don’t so much know
me then apologies in advance. Because
here’s my Catch-22.
In order to get everything that’s in my head - and blocking
all that creativity that I need to pour into my novel writing - I need to write
it all down and get it out. Stat. (Especially
since the Writer’s Digest Conference is 3 weeks away and I don’t think I’ll
have a new manuscript to pitch. But still going to be worth it. Inspiration.
Motivation. The kick in the ass I
need.) So I need to purge all the voices
in my head…but not “voices” in a Sybil way….just in a
I-have-a-lot-on-my-mind-that’s-kind-of-totally-weighing-me-down way. And this is one of the places it’s going to
happen.
Apologies again for that about to happen. But not just yet. Because it’s Monday night and my brain is
fried. And not only am I voluntarily watching 90210 (which no shocker here…is ending after this season. RIP.
How dare you rival a classic?) I also watched the latest RHOBH. And oddly Camille and Brandi make a cameo on 90210.
This is turning into a very odd/full circle kind of a night.
And in something related to nothing, watching them in Paris
is making me so So SO excited to go back.
So every time the cray cray from work (and life) starts to bleed into my
brain I think about the light at the end of the tunnel. PARIS! And I think about the wine…and the cheese…and
the adventure we’re going to have…and the chocolate…and the scenery….and the
great escape….and summertime pictures to balance out my November pictures from
my last trip….and hopefully, maybe, if I’m lucky baby gets a brand new bag!
I’m also so overtired and delusional that I got all choked
up when Mauricio was on the bridge with Kyle and locked their lock and threw
away the key. But that’s a lusty crush
for another day. And here’s my other
full circle moment….I don’t know why the hell Kyle’s store has the tagline “by
Alene Too”. But since I’m an Alene then
I’m guessing it can be Mauricio and Alene TOO?
In the words of Lisa Vanderpump. “BOOM!”
And this song is for no other reason than that it's amazing. And why it's in my head is a story for another day!
