iTunes Shuffle Shame!

I’ve been trying to sit down and write for a few weeks now and I’ve been coming up empty.  Okay I haven’t actually been sitting down all that much.  But I’ve been thinking about it.  It’s kind of been a crappy time.  One part writer’s block.  One part lack of motivation.  One part self-doubt.  Two really big parts raging sinus headaches and raging migraines.  Which of course means several parts of drugs just to sleep/breathe/function. And one part sheer distraction by the bullshit life threw my way.  (Is that too many parts?  Are there limits on how many parts I can huck into my kitchen sink of whining excuses?  I think not.)

Alas, I’ve become about 100% derailed.  Off track.  Off the rails.  Lots of train references go into this latest bucket of excuses.

So I attempted my no-fail writing techniques….first on a train….then in Central Park….iPod on shuffle and let the magic happen.  Well, I actually read a book on the train, which I never do because it usually puts me to sleep.  Not this time.  And in the park, I did some writing…more about what was going on with me me me and avoiding confronting the writing sitch.  I also got totally lost in people watching and my music and hating the guy who sat next to me on the bench and promptly put his dog on the bench next to me. Now I do not hate God’s creatures, but when said dog not only makes his way to about three inches away from me and then sneezes…I may experience some rage.  Not cool!  Dogs on the ground.  People on the bench.  Not for nothing, just because I don’t hate all creatures doesn’t mean I want to snuggle up with a stranger’s dog.  Or wipe dog sneeze off of me.  Shudder!

So it’s safe to say the sanctuary of the in-the-park writing got a little shattered there.  Which brings me to today.  Forcing my ass into the chair and literally spending a good 30 minutes Internet window shopping and reorganizing my Netflix cue, with the curser blinking on a blank page somewhere in the background.

And then it dawned on me that there’s another no-fail trick up my writing sleeve…. the iTunes Library shuffle effect.  Listen to music.  Will be inspired.  It always works.  If I listen to it, the muse will come, right?

Well, not so much.

Tonight has been a moderately depressing, somewhat embarrassing look into the music in my library.  I swear I don’t know how some of this stuff landed there.  Gremlins in the night.  Or maybe some drunk downloading.  Or perhaps, just perhaps, the same way I like crappy TV shows, I also like some craptastic music.  (That I also know all the lyrics to.  Oh, the shame!)  But the medley that’s singing through my laptop is kind of making me wonder…am I always in a funk when I download music? Or am I just so off-the-wall happy sometimes that I can’t even hear the sadness in some songs?  Good God, what is up with me?!

So lest you think I jest (bad rhyming….I am SO OFF MY WRITING GAME!), here’s the next 20 songs that Shuffle is bringing into my life tonight:

1. Harder To Breathe – Maroon 5  (Something 
2. inherently hot about this song.  Just me?  Don't believe that for a second.)
3. Landslide – as covered by The Dixie Chicks (couldn’t have been Smashing Pumpkins or Gwyneth on Glee or even the original. Nope.  Had to be this one.)
4. Do You Want to Touch Me – Joan Jett & the Blackhearts
5. A Place for Me – Alissa Moreno (I don’t even know what this song is from.  So I Googled it….it was featured in The Hills.  Of course it was!)
6. Tell That Girl To Shut Up – Tina & the Total Babes (a cover of the fabulous 80s song by Transvision Vamp)
7. Too Shy – Kajagoogoo (one-hittiest wonder!)
8. God Is a DJ – Pink (best when played while running on a treadmill)
9. Those You’ve Known – Spring Awakening (epically depressing near finale)
10. Somewhere – West Side Story (and another depressing Broadway hit!)
11. Story of a Girl – Nine Days (fairly certain this is a I-heard-this-in-Dawson’s-Creek-and-I-loved-it download)
12. Not Enough Time – INXS (this song is kind of delicious)
13. How Do You Talk to an Angel? – Cast of The Heights (seriously?!?!  SERIOUSLY??!?)
14. So Long – Guster (So many great Guster songs I my library.  Bit on the sad side, but that’s kind of the theme, so cheers!)
15. Gardenia – Mandy Moore (do not be quick to judge.  This is a damn good song.  Sad as all hell.  Relatably achy.)
16. Right Through You – Alanis Morissette
17. The Look of Love – ABC (Eighties.  Enough said.)
18. I Get a Kick Out of You – Sutton Foster from Anything Goes 2011 Broadway Cast.  (Cole Porter is a genius.)
19. Underneath It All – No Doubt (“You’re really lovely underneath it all.  You want to  love me underneath it all.  I’m really lucky underneath it all.”)
20. Rip Her To Shreds – Blondie (Classic!)
21. Suddenly – The Bogmen  (I haven’t listened to this song in forever. Such a good find right now.  So happy to rediscover. If you don’t know it….do not delay…..)

The Bogmen greatness aside, I must confront the shame-iest of shames.  


So, I’m not sure what’s worse – that the shuffle feature has brought “How Do You Talk To An Angel?” back into my life or that I even have this horrific song in my iTunes library.  On purpose.  I didn’t even watch The Heights, but I’m sure I thought Jamie Walters was oh-so-dreamy.  Holy crap!  This song is epically bad.  Not that I doubted it…but somehow I managed to forget it.  Ugh.  My saving grace is I hit the forward button after the first chorus. NEXT!  (I know that was probably 60 seconds too long.)  My secret shame.  I didn’t delete it from my library because I just KNOW that at some stage I’m going to want this song for something and am going to kick myself for deleting it.  Must be a Limewire thing.  There’s no way I got this baby off iTunes!

And for my grand finale…..a little bit of Pixies and Here Comes Your Man.  Such a  tremendous song.  It came over the speakers at the bar on Friday night.  Such a good night.  Perfect little moment.  This song will keep me smiling for the foreseeable future!